(whispering close to his ear hoping the paramedic in her parents upstairs hallway wouldn’t notice) Dad.. dad..
dad….. but he was dead. she just thought maybe MAYBE he would wake up. Like when she wrote a note to Santa “can I pretty please have one gift early to show me you’re real??? Leaving it on her dresser believing there would be one when she woke and excited
but his feet turned black and her mother made it about her so she fucked the paramedic and the fireman and on her way home later she pulled over at a construction site talking over her nerves “will one of you please fuck me?
when she did cry it shook her and she almost threw up. It lasted a long time. Buckling at one moment straight to the ground in the dirt on the hard earth and later curled in the corner of her kitchen pushing into the cupboard doors
Then new tendrils grew, tender green stems and she knew this time how precious. even letting a man into her heart, her daddy who replaced “new daddy” in her phone