My caterpillar brows
my beak
rubbing the oil into my skin, making little circles and pulling. It feels SO good over my yellow bed.
Pressure on my eyeballs now, and on my jaw, warming my nose
Creating HEAT now - I can feel my bones!
Giving myself warmth I hover over the steaming chai tea in my glass pitcher
Praying to Istvan please Istvan touch me, please help me move
And pacing pacing in my now good room, resisting feeling
My zoom session with my good Daddy yesterday was STUNNING but it stirred up some things which I must look at and feel..
Meanwhile I have added PLANTS to my room!!! This is something I have wanted. Now there is a bonsai tree by my bed and a lucky bamboo plant on my dresser and if you go very close the smell is of the earth and Thankyou for THAT!
I open my heart and say YES to physical pain, yes to panic, yes to doing “nothing”
High ponytail, dresses that I hated and were scary going over my head, being restrained too long in a hug, bad breath
Smell of throw up, peed bed and sleeping between the wall and the bed having fallen out. Dreams of being happy and having a boyfriend, hiding, stealing my sisters Halloween candy
last night opening then shaking sweating happy but something else too and then very cold and NEEDING to eat. They held me back a little and then I ate in front of people for the first time
Chai tea chai tea, healing aroma, sweetness and heat, I can go on with my day having you inside me