I kind of hate nighttime, it can go fuck itself maybe:) Let’s just start fresh tomorrow and call it.. or is there something there I’m meant to feel?
I need to find a rock to paint. Where will I find it? I want it to be as much like the one I painted as a child as possible. My little little girl, who hadn’t been broken yet, and was joyful, asked me to follow through with this and I will!! I look forward to it! I WON’T disappoint her, I WON’T. How sad to have been shoving her down all.. these.. years.. I will watch for how it affects me, I feel there will be meaning in doing it as well as such pleasure in present moment focus, appreciation and exploration of color and design..
My sister wants to deny the bad memories but me, I find that unbearable. To pretend all is well when it isn’t? Or wasn’t? No way, not anymore. But I can connect with the joy of my little self though:) I can let her come out to play.