Recently, my wife Felicia and I made the decision to attend our first munch and visit our first play party, or dungeon if you will. We shared our experience in the chat room, but only in bits and pieces, and there seemed to be a lot of curiousity about it. We know firsthand that it is a big brave step to go public for the first time. It is my hope that, by sharing this story, it will encourage others to step out and try it for themselves.
We also acknowledge that, for many of you this is old hat, but if you can recall what it was like the first time you went, or just before that, then hopefully you can see our point of view today. It is an exciting, brand new adventure, doing something we never imagined doing.
The number one concern, of course, is anonymity. This is a fear we all share, that somehow we might show up, get recognized and outed as the local perverts. We had been assured through some podcasts, and chats with those “in the scene” that it is a shared concern, and that for the most part those attending don’t want to be outed any more than you do. We had decided that we would avoid a very local scene and engage a bit of travel - close enough to revisit, far enough away to reduce the chance of an awkward bump into someone we know in our mild mannered vanilla alter egos. We just had not decided exactly where or when.
However, as it went, we were resting in a waft of aftercare after a bit of a kinky morning on Christmas EveEve, when Felicia muttered something about a munch she had just read about, in NYC, followed by a play party at a dungeon a few blocks away. Intrigued, I wrote to the organizers to get the lowdown and ask the typical noob questions - dress code, what do we bring, etc, We received a prompt and courteous response from a gentleman named “Meat Candy” who welcomed us with enthusiasm, gave us a little insight into what to expect and the protocol, and looked forward to meeting us. And as quickly as that, these two ultra-planners found ourselves driving through the Lincoln Tunnel on on our way to what would surely be, at the very least, an evening to remember.
We parked, a couple hours early, and found a local pub, enjoying a couple glasses of wine for her and beer for me to calm the nerves a bit. On the way over, we discussed how we would conduct ourselves for the evening. Although we had brought some items with us (a collar, a flogger, some basic cuffs) we agreed we would probably not play that evening, preferring instead to observe, learn the protocols and let it all soak in. It was important to us to meet some people - we knew NO ONE, other than “Meat Candy” at that point. We also agreed to use our nicks rather than our real names. And we agreed, if we were not connecting with anyone and if either of us got a bad vibe, we would leave from the munch and not progress to the party after.
We walked down to the location, which was in a loft area of a large deli/coffee house. After grabbing a coffee and a soda we walked upstairs, looking around awkwardly for some “Here R the Kinksters” sign which was not materializing. We decided to approach a rather large party of very normal, very friendly looking people, and fortunately one of them broke the ice and ask if we were there for the TES event. With that, we met Meat Candy, got some name tags to fill out, and sat at the end of a table hoping someone would talk to us. It didn’t take long.
My first impression of this group was somewhat of a relief, and it took away that fear of inadequacy. They all looked like very normal people. Average people. Not a group of 19-year old airbrushed porn stars. People of all shapes and sizes and ages, sitting together, smiling, just chatting about... whatever it is they were chatting about (mostly kink). They were all dressed in regular street clothes as well, as the invitation had requested. Fetishwear was worn underneath, or carried with.
After a couple minutes, we just started trying to slide into conversations and introducing ourselves. Of course, Felicia instantly used her real name by mistake, but recouped quickly and covered up nicely. She quickly found an effective way to meet copious people that evening: taking it upon herself to welcome every newcomer and help with their name tags. We found ourselves standing, engaged in lively conversation about who was new and who wasn’t, different rope techniques, sharing pics on phones.
The frankness of the conversation was completely refreshing as was the utter friendliness of the people and the variety of people there. There was Sam, a switch who was downright giddy that he had a pre-arranged bondage evening planned. A older gentleman arrived with a older woman in tow behind him, introducing her as his slave. There was a woman in spectacular steampunk garb. There was a lively discussion of various experiences with suspension rope play and a sort of yoga class some of them enjoyed to limber up. The variety of doms and subs, walks of life, and ages was refreshing. It really was an environment for all, and it made us feel instantly a “part of”.
This is another very important note - everyone was very respectful. Look, when you’re talking kink, the vibe can be flirtatious. However, this was far from a “meet market” or people just looking to hook up. I think a natural fear is that these are sex-driven people who just want sex sex sex and orgy orgy orgy. I’m not so naive to say that is out of the realm of possibility, but I will say that at no point did we feel “skeevy”. We felt safe in an atmosphere where consent is the word of the day, and we didn’t meet a single person who came close to violating that.
Two hours flew by rapidly until it was time to make our way to the play party. Meat Candy silenced the room and made the standard announcements, discussed the protocols of the next stop (for which I will include in the next installment), and other basic housekeeping. The munchers got up and reassembled the room EXACTLY as they had found it, like a team of Boy Scouts leaving their camp behind.
In conclusion, the munch all by itself was incredibly satisfying. It felt as though we had overcome a huge hurdle, and at the same time made us say, wow, that was so incredibly NORMAL. Just to be able to actually talk kink OUT LOUD with other people was such a relief and a privilege. We really were making friends!
We then assembled outside, and like a large sightseeing troupe, wound our way down several city blocks to our destination... the Parthenon. Stay tuned!
Feel free to ask any questions in the comments, and we will be happy to answer as best we can!
~Kal
