Ugh...
This is so fuckin difficult. A guy Ive known for a year or so told me that he wants to try a romantic relationship.
He is a pretty good dude. Intelligent enough to have good conversations, nerdy enough to make me laugh, confident enough to take my bullshit in stride, and sweet which is weird as fuck. Inter the "cake". Vanilla cake with vanilla frosting.
...fuckin vanilla. Shit tastes like Abraham Lincoln looks.
My concern that I was in a position of authority when we met. I have mentioned before that I see myself as both submissive and dominant... not a switch (I'll die on this hill). I also explained that I enjoy dominating both males and females, but would struggle to be submissive to a male that has submitted to me. I enjoy exploring my dominant side, but being able to sustain my role as a submissive is where I am able to live in my feminine. I wholeheartedly want to find someone that makes me feel safe.
I know my fuckin wires are crossed. My brain works in a very unique way, aligning closest with an analytical thought process... add a Steven Hawkins doing parkour, light everything on fire then shove it down a hill.
In my mind, being concerned about ole boys ability to have the presence of an alpha is valid. It will take ongoing effort to stay open minded, giving him a chance with this situation and reminding myself of the likelihood that both of us have grown...?
I have always been able to rely on my intuition as a sixth sense. Except in this fuckin clownshow my head and my heart arent on the same page. Can I trust my gut as a calibrated instrument? Or, is it out of square and the edges dull... from uncertainty and vulnerability?
I dont see getting to any point in my life where I wont long to be owned.