The IDEA of me is often seen shiny and bright... like a brand new penny in the eyes of a kid.
Such great value placed upon it.
After years of wear and passing thru numerous hands, that penny becomes tarnished.
It becomes easier to discard for the next new penny shining in the sun. Leaving the old penny on the ground "heads down", warding off any passersby from scooping it up.
When I open up, exposing the faults and demons I carry... it tarnishes the gift of my submission. Suddenly my value decreases to a level that discarding me becomes easy.
Have I fallen "heads up" sometimes...? Maybe once or twice allowing another to have the desire to pick me up. Only to decay and dull once again and end up back on the sidewalk.
My submission suffers because it seems as if I serve my demons, I suppose. Although I know them by name, I no longer invite them to my bed.
I'm open in all things. Communicate maybe too much, but I will hide nothing. I have been accused of being "too...." this, that, and the other. Which wreaks havoc on my submission as well.
I have such a desire to serve... but being who I am destroys it's shine.
....anyways
