Have some stuff I need to get off my mind... bare with me posting entries
I have been dealing with some decent obstacles recently. During this time I have felt the struggle between the old me and who I am now. It stings...
"thats pride fuckin with you" - Marcellus Wallace.
"Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps", also - Marcellus Wallace.
Who I am now is being responsible and proactive regarding my mental health, and shit, even my physical health.
I have a birthday coming up. 45. Fuck sake.
The old me wouldnt have made it past 40. That was like my professional goal. ??? What a fuckin psycho. My future was all mapped out up to hitting 40, when i would die saving someone's life.
The me now sneaks away to hide, making myself as small as I can. Impostor! I have RUINED my body in pursuit of accomplishing my goal. Well, needless to say... I fuckin blew it. So here I am 5 years past my expiration date all shot out and busted up.
Well, well, well... if it isnt the consequences of my own actions.
Did i lose my credibility? I have done so many crazy things... saved countless lives and changed 100s more. I was the strongest ive ever been, yoked tf out with a six-pack.
Old me talks shit... because of who I turned her into. I get blindsided with the feeling that new me has no street cred and to make that even worse, the experiences I share make me come off like im making shit up.