“I know what you want. I know what you need, better than you do…” From Beauty Has Her Way - Mummy Calls
I was reading a blog and it made reference to Doms using that phrase, "I know what you need”. And I had a few random thoughts. On the surface that does sound pompous. Assuming that somehow you have a better knowledge of a person’s needs than they do does seem conceited. When a Dom that you don’t know, on the internet says that to you, that is a red flag. However, hear me out here, sometimes you do know what someone needs better than they do.
Ok before you brand me insta-dom, let me give you a couple of examples. Umber is a brilliant, creative, passionate individual but often she struggles with focus. When she is able to focus, all that becomes a laser and we joke that the cosmos “nerfed” her to keep her from conquering it all. When that focus comes, you let her harness it. Interrupting that hyperfocus results in her shutting down completely and reacting with rage chipmunk vibes. However, while hours are passing, I do know what she needs better than she does. Her cirkul will appear filled on her desk. The magical bento box suddenly fills itself and finds its way within her reach. Her meds appear on her keyboard, I have seen her look at them pause, take them and return to her focus. Minimally, intrusive actions can happen, which can include adding a few random reminders to her calendar, like stretch, go to the bathroom.. She very clearly knows what she wants- uninterrupted progress during a hyper focus, but I know what she needs.
Now let’s spin this with kink. Ever seen a sub in subspace? Will they safeword? Well, probably not. It’s a remarkable thing to watch them float back down. I am not convinced red is a colour at that moment either. They need a safe place to land as they return to us mere mortals. (The serene countenance is what makes me equate some sexual encounters with a religious experience. ) They need safety, but may not understand anything but that quiet minded euphoria. A dom worth his salt, knows what they need, better than they do. Part of what, in my opinion, makes a good dom is an awareness of what their sub needs.
So, could it also be that when delivered in person, the phrase ‘I know what you need’ can be a conversation starter. This is of course if you can read the situation. ( before you think that’s a pickup line- I admit it could be.) However, there are always women like my little queen that will say “oh nice line!” Or “Does that usually work?” Or my favorite, “great then you will be leaving me alone?” But, I think what the blog writer was expressing frustration with was the pompous ick. If you believe it and she doesn’t (or if she’s not at least willing to suspend disbelief) this is a very bad idea. Your confidence looks like conceit and whatever charm you have is worthless. This is not something you say without an inkling of someone’s intent or interest. Without a read, ie randomly on the internet, this will probably go very badly. She has every right to tell you off, or in Umbers case, verbally eviscerate the offending party.
All of that said, I do say I know what you need. Hell, I have left a little trail of post it notes using the above quoted lyrics. Will I stop telling the little queen that I know what she needs? Not as long as she looks amused and asks, “ Oh and what is that?” That’s years of her being willing to listen to my corny lines. However, would I message a complete stranger that? No..
