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Mo Cumhacht

Work in Progress...

"Confront the dark parts of yourself and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."
- August Wilson
1 year ago. February 8, 2023 at 4:16 AM

“I’m tired”, I say to them, “In my soul, I’m tired.”

“Write...”they say to me.

“I’m at my breaking point. I’m gonna snap.” I say in a voice so intentionally calm.

“You need to start writing again…” they respond.

“I’m not okay…” I toss out with forced apathy.

“It’ll be okay…have you tried writing?” they query back.

I know it’s because they know how much writing means to me, how much it helps. And I know they mean well. I know that they care.

But I want to rage at them incoherently, scream in their faces.

I want to smack them and shake them but I’m stuck in this stasis.

I’m paralyzed in silence - can’t articulate sound or word.

They’re telling me to write and it’s utterly absurd.

Don’t they know if I could, I would write it all down.

Immortalize it in print - every swallowed plea now unbound.

I can’t, I sit frozen and all goes unspoken.

Write…right? It will surely fix all that’s been broken.

-LR 2023

HurtSoGood - As you say, I have always found writing to be a conduit that channels all the chaos in my head into something that I can make sense of. I am able to revisit what I have written as many times as I need. I can analyze it, figure out what went wrong and what my culpability in it is. And then I can figure out what I need to forgive myself for or where I need to grow more. It helps me make sense of thinks and achieve order.

I also agree that the act of writing does not usually make me feel better in the short term. I am forced to confront truths about events, others and myself that are not always pretty or easy. It does help in the long term once all the ugly truths and feelings are out of the way though. I am able to move forward a bit lighter because I have achieved a better understanding of myself and my place in this world. Writing is a tool through which I make sense of everything. If I can’t make something make sense it causes me distress. *shrugs*

I appreciate your response and your good vibes. Sending good vibes back your way! 😉
1 year ago

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