The Past... Ok time still has no meaning in this black hole of a year. But since last, we chatted things have been changing in our relationship and dynamic in positive ways. The first and probably the cinch pin for all these changes is that I've finally found a medication that treats my ADHD effectively and doesn't make me feel awful. I still feel like me but I'm able to focus and work. I've also learned and began to understand it better. Don't worry this isn't a whole post about kink and ADHD though that is something interesting and ADHD has impacted me in greater ways than I thought, especially when it came to kink and sex in general.
But that did set me up to be more successful at being a Dom and meeting my kitten's needs. You see the 2020 quarantine funk-made kitten and I realize our dynamic wasn't working how we wanted it to. Sure it was fun for what it was... but you know I like raspberry sorbet well enough but lemon that's my shit right there. and so we talked and were honest with each other. I was being too soft for either of us. And with the help of the new meds, I was able to step up and begin working on being the Dom she needs and the Dom I want to be. It feels like the victory music played and I got a little more HP and some new proficiencies.
I'm more sure of myself and confident around a paddle and much more comfortable using my kitten's punishments when in the rare case they are needed. To put it into terms I'm a bit more familiar with. We left our awkward kinky back story and began as level one adventurers. Sure I'm a little more chaotic evil than I thought I was... but hey she's into it. I'm learning the aspects of being a Dom that I enjoy that drives me and what her needs as a sub are and what draws her towards the lifestyle. It's also integrating more and more into our daily lives as well.
We'll probably never be 24/7 kinksters but the more tame parts of our dynamic that are central to our relationship are getting to breathe more. I guess if I had one complaint our newfound exploration of our kinks and needs has set aside some of the more technical aspects. Mostly ropes. I guess she hasn't been feeling very knotty lately. (Pun intended.) But I also think putting our rope practice and the more complicated toys on hold to discover what our dynamic has evolved into will make things more interesting and fun when we get back to it. I've also got schemes for that. Hopefully, I'll get to show them off soon.
I guess my point is that While I am still very much a novice Dom, I feel as if I'm making progress to being a better kinkster and that our BDSM side has matured from the awkward fumbling and early play to something, well a little less awkward and full of much more potential. Sure I'm still the slightly confused guy. But I'm beginning to know where to look for answers both on who I am as a Dom and what is needed of me to be that Dom. And hopefully, by the end of January, we'll have some new fun ropes to play with. After all, I am hoping to prestige into rigger and kitten is well on her way into subclassing as a rope bunny.
