So up until this point I went with it willingly, believing that I should sacrifice everything to be with her and her alone. I must say that some nights are foggy, others are crystal clear. The ones I do remember involve quite severe beatings, but overall I was able to handle it.
Then in August of 2020 I landed in the hospital. After a long time alone with M I was terrified of the doctors, unwillingly letting them treat me. How I do not remember. According to the doctors I had broken two ribs, dislocated one of my shoulder and was hit hard in the head with a blunt object. They did some scans after realising I suffered from amnesia but nothing too severe came out of that luckily. No brain damage for what they could tell.
I was allowed to leave after 17 days, discharged but still needing to take it easy to heal. Something that infuriated M. For about a month nothing really happened as I was still healing. After that it started all over again and the beatings that were regular became more severe.
During one specific “playsession” I covered my face when she wanted to hit me, which landed me a punishment of 5 days without food. After that I was only allowed one meal a day for a full two weeks and teachers at my school started to ask questions. When I told M about them commenting about me turning skinny and seemingly unhealthy really quick I was not allowed to go to school anymore.
After a month more of physical violence I landed in the hospital again. I had received a beating before going grocery shopping and collapsed in the supermarket.
According to doctors then I was severely malnourished and had broken my arm in the fall.
A week after discharge that time I was back and the doctors were getting sick of me I think. My shoulder was once again dislocated, two fingers on my left hand were broken and my right elbow was broken. After 3 weeks I was once again allowed to go home.
Half a week later police searched our apartment, apparently the doctors had informed the authorities. I was at that moment shackled to the wall in the playroom, left by myself for that past two days.
They found my covered in my own excrements, scared to the bone of them as they dragged M away. I was horrified at the men trying to approach me as I had been with the doctors before them.
It took them hours and I only left once my parents had arrived and my mother took me in her arms. I was rescued. I had never seen such sorrow in my parents’ eyes. Never seen officers so horrified yet trying to help. I was terrified of the very people that rescued me.
It hurts to write this still. I can feel the pain. I can see the sorrow of my parents. I hate myself for ever allowing something like this to happen. Not recognising what was happening and not stopping it when I did realise it.
I reintegrated into my old life slowly. Teachers were happy to see me as well but they do not know what had happened. I am finally doing well in my study again, am enjoying teaching English to young adults and enjoy doing a lot of research in history.
With her..she was found guilty of deprivation of liberty, two counts of attempted murder and abuse.
What didn’t go through was fraud, blackmail, sexual assault and extortion. M was sentenced to two and a half years of prison, forced treatment in a psychiatric institute for an undetermined amount of time and a fee of 20,000 euros in damages.
And now I am here. Trying to explore the lifestyle that was for a time too big of a trauma to even think about. Trying to meet new people as I explore how to do this in a healthy manner with someone who isn’t criminally insane. So yea..that is my story.
I am now a full year older and am getting back into it.
Thank you for reading and I hope you learned something from this story.
