Sometimes trying to do the right thing turns your life upside down. Recently I had a UTI, BV and a yeast infection, so as part of the screen they did some basic STI testing. As I was talking with my doctor I asked about a full panel. I hadn’t had one done before. So I went for the bloodwork and then waited. And waited. Three of the results came back very quickly and were all negative. But then the anxiety kicked in about the last test. Why was it taking so long? And then two days later I got the news.
I am HSV2 positive. I don’t know how I got it. I don’t know who I got it from. I don’t know when I got it. And as far as I know none of my past partners have tested positive so for that I am immensely grateful.
And all I wanted to do when I heard was curl up in a ball and die. I felt dirty and that people would see me as unlovable and disgusting and tainted.
Fortunately the few close friends that I confided in reminded me that it did not change my value as a person or as a woman and kept me from falling into a deep depression over the news.
I’m still trying to accept my new reality. I’ve started taking suppressive antiviral medication. I’m doing my research and know that condoms and other forms or protection are now going to be a part of every sexual encounter that I have in order to protect any partners.
Am I scared about what the future holds. Yes. Am I afraid that I’ll be rejected because of this. Yes. Do I have any choice but to continue on with my life and my journey. No.
