When I am given rules, expectations or protocols I do not wish to break them or test them. I truly want to follow them to the best of my ability, even if some are nearly impossible.
I guess the reason for this is because I want my dom to stay. I don't want him to stray, or leave. I get scared that if I don't follow exactly what is expected of me I could be replaced. I don't want to be replaced. Or ignored. Or let go. I have always had an intense fear of abandonment.
That is why I would like to be "forced" to stay, without a choice. If the doors are locked in such a way I cannot leave, that might scare a few, but I would feel incredibly safe. Because nothing is scarier than truly deeply loving someone and them wanting you to go. As I was growing up a lot of the beginning relationships in early adulthood, hated my codependence. They saw it as a weakness or a burden. I completely understand their way of thinking and do not hold it against them. But I had always hoped that my codependence and submission would be a gift to someone instead of a burden.
I accept completely that serving another, over oneself is a full-time job. It cannot be given halfway, if I want to truly serve someone I must put both feet in absolute. I also understand the amount of work that goes into being dominant. It is not a piece of cake. It takes a natural leader and someone who has a code to protect their own. Someone who has the capability to think outside of themselves constantly. I applaud the amount of effort that goes into both roles and realize how lovely it is that they work so effectively together. I do not think there is a stronger bond or convergence.
