Ramblings

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I work nights and also have a physically demanding job (not that kind of dangerous though) so I understand the social impact it can have. I would suggest that it find a balance. I get that you are tired after work, but it doesn't take long to check your messages before bed, while you are eating, sitting on the toilet even....

In this world, finding time takes effort, however, that effort to make time, MEANS more to people than you imagine.

If you are communicating with someone, and that person is showing interest and you don't make the time, they have every right to get angry. To them, you lied. You lied about being available for a relationship. In their minds, you lied about who you are and why kind of person you would be in a dynamic.

A person cannot be a stable and steady communicator, someone who is always there for their sub (I'm quoting the general ideas I've heard Doms describe themselves as)....if they can't even find the time to talk to them in the early stages.

And then you blame them for being angry? Where does the fault really like? Not with the person that made the effort in the first place.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Um...I think you may have misinterpreted what I wrote, or I wasn't clear. I'm not talking to anyone, or claiming that someone is mad. That little section was me being upfront about my ability to communicate throughout the day while at work, and asking to not get uppity I can't reply immediately. I WILL reply, no worries there at all.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Is there a way to express your limitations differently? Personally, I feel that using the word "uppity" is invalidating of the other person's right to feel fustration rather than asking for patience. I understand YOUR Fustration but I also know that sometimes, what we write is not always perceived by the reader how it was intended.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - With notification ahead of time to make said person aware of any communication restrictions, it then is up to them whether or not they wish to pursue conversation. If they choose to do so with that knowledge, and then get uppity about slow responses, that is then their problem. At that time they are also invalidating my feelings and boundaries.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Just so I understand the additude you are referring to, can you describe what you mean when you use the word "uppity"? How is it different from frustrated or angry?

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - When I say uppity I mean causing a fuss about something, not necessarily angry or frustrated or maybe both. Basically acting out. Frustrated or angry can be that way without acting out. And I just like and prefer uppity.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - The definition though is self important or arrogant

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - For myself, I would view your preference for the word "uppity" as expressing self-importance and arrogance, since arrogance is viewing another person as beneath you and thus, worthy of contempt.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Why do you prefer "uppity"?

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - If the person's needs are not being met, how do you expect that person to express them?

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I prefer uppity because I feel it describes certain actions much better than the other two.
If I state (as I did) that I cannot give immediate replies due to work (didn't say I couldn't reply) and they decide to communicate, they have accepted those terms. It's not on me at that point. Now if they decide afterwards that they can't handle that, communicate as an adult and a decision can be made mutually. Agree to terms and then get angry when you don't get immediate replies though then becomes your issue, and shows you as selfish and disrespectful of someone's boundaries and situation. Once again, not my fault or problem. That person would then just be removed from my life

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - And THAT is an excellent explination! Thamk you for taking the time in sharing it with me.

"If you agree to terms and then get angry when you don't get immediate replies, for me, I feel displays selfishness and disrespect of someone's boundaries and/or situation".

It is *my* opinion, that constructing your thoughts this way provides a MUCH clearer explination of your stance and leaves no room for assumption or ambiguity. I know for a FACT, that your feelings and stance regarding this one situation is shared with many. In a broader sense, respecting a person's limits is part and parcel of BDSM and is one of our ethical foundations.

"Uppity" is a subjective word. Each person can have their own definition of what it means and how it is demonstrated. When you are staying your needs, wants, and limits, ambiguity is the LAST thing you want.

Thank you for your time.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I actually enjoyed this and it kept me distracted from work just enough to not notice the aches and pains lol! I was not thinking about being vague when I wrote that blog earlier, however I see how it can be taken. I admit that at times I have a problem with expecting people to know what I mean. It's being worked on, but isn't always caught. I am completely fine with being called out on it though, and accept that I do it. 😁

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I get the aches and pains. I'm an overnight grocery stocker so I toss around pallets and product cases for 8 hrs. I'm 50 years old doing heavy lifting and in a single night, I can walk anywhere between 7-10 miles. It's exhausting and I'm just getting over 3 partial rotator cuff tears in my right shoulder. I get it!

I also have trouble articulating myself clearly sometimes. Autocorrect doesn't fucking help either (aka; DamnitJim, who is a bisexual, narcissistic, polyamorous, sadist). I've had to learn not only words, but the socially perceived definition and emotions attached to those words.

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Getting old sucks big blue monkey butt!
Determining emotions and such is just so much easier when verbal instead of written lol!

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I think that is because with verbal, you have extra help from tone and intonation, HOWEVER, the written word uses a parts of the brain that are more complex. Basically, it's more challenging to communicate via text....

But it doesn't mean it's impossible. It forces you to truly know yourself and THEN use linguistics to convey that ACCURATELY to others.

I like challenges. 😈

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - I gathered that from your profile lol!

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

JustGreenie - I’m grateful for waking up to a new day, health, happiness and of course coffee. Have a good day!

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Mmmmm, coffee!

JustGreenie - Exactly!

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Coffee be life! Coffee and music!