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Chaotic and twisted thoughts of my mind

Hello all
I'm unsure if I should create a blog, my thoughts not all will understand, they may seem dark to some yet I find peace in who I am.
This journey is so very new to me and yet I am unsure if I will ever understand my self, yet I am finding peace and comfort in excepting myself.
I find myself writing down my thoughts that are constantly in my mind it helps calm the chaos.
I thought a blog may help me to better understand them.
2 weeks ago. Friday, July 17, 2026 at 10:00 AM

She has learned how to disappear

without ever leaving the room.

 

To lower her eyes

before anyone has to look away.

 

To swallow her questions

before they sound like requests.

 

To offer her body

so, no one has to hold her heart.

 

She edits herself in real time.

Softens the sharp edges of longing.

 

Trims down her expectations

to something easier to manage.

 

Something small enough

not to inconvenience anyone.

 

She no longer waits for reassurance.

 

No longer mistakes heat for meaning.

 

No longer confuses access

with attachment.

 

She studies silence

like it is evidence.

 

Counts the hours between messages.

 

Feels the shift when affection cools

from hunger

to habit

to absence.

 

She wonders what it is about her

that makes men pause.

 

Close enough to reach for.

 

Not close enough to claim.

 

There is a particular kind of ache

that comes from being almost.

Almost enough to crave.

 

Almost enough to keep.

 

Almost enough to matter.

 

She carries herself carefully now.

 

As if too much honesty

might fracture the fragile balance

that allows her to stay.

 

Because the truth feels dangerous.

 

The truth whispers

that she is seasonal.

 

Convenient.

Replaceable.

A moment.

 

Never a decision.

Still, she shows up.

She gives warmth

like it costs her nothing.

 

She folds her wanting

into something quiet and manageable.

 

Because learning to need less

hurts less than hoping for more.

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