I have tiptoed here and there into this site...and im back because now I'm free to explore...my husband has been sneaking around fucking other women betraying us.. and being narcissistic as he usually is..he really thinks that our marriage shouldnt end because he still loves me.but he doesn't want to be around me and since I've lost weight ...he found other fatter girls with darker skin. .and I'm older and feeling like a tossed away dishrag....but have discovered...I am not at all undesirable. I've been a wife so long, I don't even know how to act in person...so im starting here again...I want to have revenge sex....but I NEED to explore my sexuality..and unlock my mind. I've had issues where I couldnt cum with my husband and now I know it was because I deeply felt the disconnect and knew that he just wanted to hurry through sex so he could get back to his video games and all his little. ..I mean, fat whores. I'm ready to find a male I can dominate and shame..not really. Im jist angry and hurt (even though i believe i am a switch and want to be a domina)..but right now, I want to BE dominated..ive been dominated in an entire marriage by a narcissistic asshole...but I want to serve someone who appreciates and will nurture and unlock my mind...I will serve happily and only once in awhile be bratty...ok...probably more often....but I feel like there's someone out there...or several someone's who will help me...because I want to learn and gain some experience.
This is the first post of many I assume. I've had so many thoughts I've wanted to share on this site...and when my mind settles a bit more, then I'll be back with a more organized blog... but my thoughts are jumbled and im tired.
I started a private snapchat story recently...amd it was exciting for a couple weeks. I'm creative so it's been fun to play with many men online...but im starting to get bored already. Anytime something becomes too repetitious I get bored. I want to go on dates...because I've been neglected so long..but I know that the sex will just be another dick...not that I've had any other dick..but my husnand was real good in bed...the mechanics were fine...it wasn't my pussy he neglected, it was my mind and soul. And eventually I couldn't cum...he thought I was cheating...so he did. ...actually it was an excuse because he WANTED to cheat...he was already having emotional affairs with countless women. The more I write, the more I wonder why I stayed so long.
This is going to be a journey...my therapist told me to journal...and I have...but theres this thing in me that wants someone else to read my thoughts...I like to imagine that SOMEONE might be interested in what goes on in my head....its titillating. So here I am...a newbie .. but with years of experience I just need to apply to BDSM.
