I've spent a lot of time trying to process my current relationship. It does not fall within the scope but there is a certain dynamic. I am not uncomfortable but I can't help but overthink, as usual.
Often I've considered that I am damned to wonder. If there are not those who continuously wonder beyond their contended state, then where would we find true progress of humanity? The cursed model of success that the current state of man has us tethered to does not encourage the creative thought that we desperately need to foster to survive. The outlet of social media has eaten most of that space, as many found no where else to turn.
I am as happy as I ever am. I do love him. But am I in love? Does it matter? Someone who serves and strives to make me happy and appreciates my own efforts in return is a nice, safe, and comfortable space at the moment.
I am worried that I will detach and get bored and end up hurting him, as I have done time and again. Though I have avoided committed relationships for the most part so far. Emotional damage does not require a label.
Sometimes I still find myself craving that guiding hand. Someone who I can fall into and let go of all that worries me without the real fear of everything falling apart. Someone I know I can trust to make compassionate and intelligent choices regardless of the circumstance.
