More often than I care to remember, issues stemming from girlhood or early teen years have impacted a sub's ability to fully savor the range of experiences often a part of a healthy Dom/sub relationship. For my first post I'd like to pick at the edges of one set of those experiences --religious training and strictures --and seek some advice.
Not every submisive is afflicted with the longer term lingering fears of what may have been drilled into them as girls, but a good number carry the harmful emotional scars of early "Good Girls Don't" insitutional training through their lives. These teaching, and threats of what happens to girls who 'sin' in various ways, seem to be forced to the forefront later on in facing submissive tasks. Perhaps staying within a vanilla life might not require re-examining such teachings, but active submission can seem to .
Things as basic as attitudes calling nudity, masturbation or other self-touching 'sinful acts', can cripple full enjoyment, perhaps especially in online relationships where the Dom's hands and actions are of necessity carried out by the sub's hands. More intimate activites can be even more troubling to a sub raised in an environment of sinful admonitions, such as perhaps in some girls' religious schools. Yes, these can serve a limited good end to control a young girl's perhaps unwise early sexual explorings. In later life, though, they can resurface to cripple what most in our community might consider as healthy sexual activities and satisfaction.
I've encountered this often enough to not be surprised when, with a new partner, these old fears of being 'bad' or of 'going to Hell' sooner or later need to be addressed together. Often, the new sub is deliberately trying to overcome those early barriers, not realizing how deeply they are embedded. Others are not fully aware of the subconscious barriers placed deeply in their minds. When these issues arise, though, it becomes the Dom's role to respect the power of those early church teachings, which might have been reinforced by parent or teen peers as well.
Working through this emotional minefield is never easy with such an emotionally scarred sub. I hope I have helped come to a healthier place in most cases, but working alone, I'm never sure.
I'd much appreciate the reflections of subs who've faced these issues, about what was helpful to them in getting past them.
ps--
I have NO interest in discussing here any religion or its belief set or training practices--live and let live. All are entitled to whatever faith they may embrace. I only seek to better assist subs dealing with personal issues they must come to grips with as they explore in the D/s world.
