I thought I was okay.
I needed to be in nature. So, I went to one of my favorite historical places here locally, as they have great trails and it's beautiful. Grabbed some pictures. Opted for no music.
Then I started talking. Noone was with me or around, but I just began venting out loud. Then sobbing so hard and going back to everything that ever hurt me, all the people. Even back to childhood.
I couldn't stop the floodgates anymore and the dam of emotions flooded over me. Pain, anger, desperation, humility, tears, cutting cords I didn't realize were still attached. I was such a blithering mess.
I just knelt down on the ground. It was instinctive. It felt calming. The tears stopped. I grew calmer. I closed my eyes and listened to life all around me.
The kneeling into emotional surrender.
I never saw that coming, but I wasn't afraid of it either.
I needed to feel myself kneeling without even being aware.
After I was calm, I got up. I didn't care that my clothes were dirty.
I got back to walking and felt such peace and release. I just listened to every sound and didn't feel the need to cry or speak aloud anymore.
I know I will heal from this because I know I can surrender to my emotions, fears and weakness so that I emerge so much stronger.
It doesn't need to make sense to me right now. I just know how much comfort I felt in kneeling in a most unique and unusual moment.
Now for a (hopefully) quiet day at home.
Blessings.