Sapphire's Soul

Good morning my sweet self...

You are strong.

You are amazing.

You are beautiful. 

You are special.

You are precious in every way.

You have a generous heart...

Now love yourself.

Give yourself grace.

Keep smiling.

Keep that gratitude in your heart.

Keep no grudges.

Be happy for each person you meet.

Appreciate the blessings.

Grow from your lessons.

Be amazing for when your Dominant comes for you. 

Let everyone know how special they are.

Have a day as amazing as you are.

Love,

Me.

He was a part of my life for a long time. Father of my children. He is not gone from them yet, but today we did not get good news. 

My plans were thrown into uncertainty, and I want to scream into the void,  a black pit where the sound, as loud as it is to me, will not be heard to those around me.

Life is a gift and very precious. I cherish it. I have sons who are very confused and hurting today, and many decisions to make. 

I am strong, as always, but i side, I am literally collapsing. 

Cherish all your memories, if you can. Every memory becomes a beautiful blessing. Its all in how you choose to look at it. 

Perhaps I returned too soon. Perhaps I did not. I am not surprised at the life test. I should come with a warning label. 

Be blessed. Be love. Be kind. Be present. Just be your authentic, amazing self. 

Much love.

I am always stronger than I think, for I have survived everything so far. 

I just want to be truly free from that which holds me back. 

My fear, at times, of being truly me.

She fell.

Fallen angels do that.

Wings ablaze with the pain

Only she knew.

The moments

Now gone,

Because they were meant only

To be a beautiful lesson 

For her rising.

She no longer looks for those

From the past.

She no longer sees herself

As the unloved.

She is wanted by one

Who will find her one day,

And hold her tight 

As she is a Phoenix rising

Into the true submissive

She was always meant to be.

I am returning, to see if I can learn from what happened.

Things have changed some, and I am learning to be okay with what happened. 

I am not perfect. I have learned to not tolerate and stay where I am not valued.

I deserve to be treated better than I allowed.

I have forgiven those who hurt me.

I closed many loose ends with minimal trauma. 

I am re-learning who I am, what I want in a dynamic, and how deep my desires go as a submissive. 

My end goal is to meet someone who can be patient with me, communicate with me, and not shirk phone conversations or face to face conversations when something happens. One who realizes I am not those from his past and I realize he is not those from my past. 

Someone who takes time to truly learn about me, grow with me, teach me, guide me, and transform this rough soul into grace and beauty. 

Someone who wants to experience life with me. 

I don't know how this round will go, and I need to learn how to be more patient with myself and others. 

I look forward to seeing some familiar faces here, and meet some new ones. 

Be kind and always do the right thing, no matter how hard it may be. Your self worth depends on that. 

Blessings. 

No.

I won't ignore my feelings.

I won't be silent about them.

I will sit with them and process them.

It's not my problem they trigger you.

I won't water them down for you. 

I am complex.

Many layers.

For most of my.life, I was told to be seen and not heard.

No!!!!!!

I WILL be seen AND heard!

Your red flags make a beautiful gown for my exit.

Your performance was convincing.

I was always faithful.

Emotionally and physically. 

To everyone but ME.

So, NO, I will.not shut up.

I will cry if I want to.

Scream into the void when I need to.

Heal because I have to.

You were not ready for me.

You won't be ready for anyone

Until you are ready for yourself.

Sometimes, when a door closes unexpectedly, the closure needs to.come from oneself.

Sometimes, the ego gets in its own way, and we don't get that final conversation.  Your strength in creating your own closure shows your power, toughness, and resilience. It shows your maturity.

Much love and blessings

Until that time comes...

I can serve myself in submission...

Self care.

Forming a solid routine and schedule with tasks and chores.

Doing things to remind myself just how beautiful of a soul I am.

Feeding my thirst for knowledge (kink and non kink) by always learning and challenging myself.

Putting effort back into those activities I love, that I sorely neglected.

Kneeling for my heart...

Mirror therapy...

Loving myself unconditionally. 

Honoring my submission by acts of service, such as the aforementioned, will only make me stronger.

Growth by pushing outside my comfort zone.

Much love and blessings. 

The sleep was deep.

I woke in the same spot and position I fell asleep in. 

So desperately needed.

Revelations in dreams 

Encouragement and reality checks from people who care

Helped me realize...

I have this. 

I am strong, beautiful, worthy, and amazing.

I'm intelligent.

Everything IS going to be fine.

And today is the start of all of this.

Blessings

My heart and mind are all over the place today and it's rough. I'm posting the wrong comments on the wrong blog entries. I can't focus.

I'm just a hot mess today. 

Please be patient with me. 

Much love.

Blessings.