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The Sapphire Moon

Musings, thoughts, and expressions that are solely my own interpretation. Reflections on life as a submissive with children, in her 50s, and breaking down barriers, one stone at a time. I hope you enjoy.
This is a safe space for me, so please respect that my views and expressions are solely mine, and in no way intended to trigger or offend. I am unapologetically me.
4 days ago. March 22, 2023 at 1:20 AM

My last blog entry was written on a day when I felt unworthy, and at the time, I didn't understand why. 

I have to learn to understand quite a bit as a submissive, and particularly, my Sir's submissive.  When he read my blog post, he sent me a beautiful message that put so much into perspective for me, a message that I truly needed to know.

When I have an injury or pain, it eventually passes. The pain is temporary. When I feel my emotions, I never realized that they were fleeting and not always there. Perhaps it was a false idea taught to me at some point in my life, but Sir explained it to me in a way that not only made sense, but was meaningful and mindful.

One of the greatest things that I love about Sir, is, his ability to bring clarity to my sometimes chaotic thoughts. He has a way to make me pause and listen, so I can take in a different perspective and learn, practice, and be a better woman, mother, partner, and submissive. I finally realized that this morning, and I needed to sit with how that made me feel. Sometimes, I need to feel uncomfortable in order to grow more. It makes sense to me, at least.

My feelings are important, valid and necessary to express, but not to remain stuck in. If my life is rooted in being meaningful, that foundation with Sir will keep growing forward and become more rooted in commitment and love. I admit my perception and idealization of love was like a fairy tale. Sir taught me how to see this from a different mindset, and in order for that to happen, my mind and heart and soul needed to be truly open to learning this lesson. 

This is such an amazing journey. Thank you, my Sir. 💙🖤🐺

 

1 week ago. March 18, 2023 at 4:20 AM

Too much for words

Overflowing waters

Of emotions from my eyes...

My heart aches to figure out

What is wrong with me,

But keeps itself disguised.

I feel lost, alone, and helpless,

But that is my burden to bear...

I'm not perfect,

And wish that no one would care

For that is the raw, exposed me,

Making the mistakes,

Overthinking takes,

Eyes and heart shake.

I've kept my emotions in for too long 

That I am sick from their groans

Wanting to escape their prison

Of feelings...

I don't know if that will ever happen. 

2 weeks ago. March 6, 2023 at 2:45 AM

I am more than His submissive. 

 

I will always be me. 

Who is me?

Emotional.

Passionate.

Loyal.

Devoted.

Loving.

Sensitive.

Strong.

Tough.

Trying to always do my best.

Goofy.

Masochist.

A young girl still at heart.

A boy mom.

A mother and grandmother. 

A special education advocate for two of my children.

Someone most people feel at home with right away.

A confidant. 

A friend.

Sister.

Lover of books.

A unique and rare soul. 

Lover of anything art.

Daughter of the moon.

Divine feminine.

Lightworker.

Empath.

Shy. 

Introvert. 

INFJT

Lifelong learner,  both kink and non- kink.

Nature love. 

A blend of deviant,  Pollyanna,  and Mary Poppins.

Always looking for the good in everything. 

Can admit when I am wrong. 

Wanting to make a difference in this world. 

Knowing that I am not perfect,  never will be,  but trying to be the best human I can be. 

Believer in guardian angels,  spirituality,  and the magic of the Universe. 

I am special, worthy, valuable, humble, and sarcastic. 

 

Blessings. 

 

2 weeks ago. March 6, 2023 at 2:22 AM

The days are long. The nights feel longer.

Some days hurt more than others. 

I struggle with patience,  and I struggle with the projected recovery time. It will be months, at least 3, before I can do any significant activity. I am left feeling helpless at home and with my self care because so many things I normally do, I can't. 

I don't feel like I am good enough or good at anything. I'm sure that isn't true, but sometimes, my anxiety gets the better of me. I am working on it, but it still lingers. 

I don't like me much on the days I feel like this. I don't always see the value I know I have. 

The last thing I want to be, ever be, is a burden to anyone. Right now, that is how I feel. And deep inside, I feel stuck in my darkness. 

The light will come back, no matter how hard I need to work at it.

 

 

1 month ago. February 17, 2023 at 12:50 AM

I am so blessed to have my Wolf,  my Sir. 

He takes care of me when I don't feel good.

He was with me for my surgery.

He is protective of me.

His gentle touch reassured me. 

He is still checking on me, even though there is some distance between us. 

His eyes said more than anything. 

My Sir is truly amazing. 

I feel how I feel about him, and do not regret it. 

Time for me to get back to rest,  and be good.

 

I miss you. 

 

 

1 month ago. February 10, 2023 at 6:46 AM

I wait.

It is very soon, you see.

Sunday is the day to be.

To be free?

To be me.

I'm always me,

But then... There's... Me.

The me that naturally kneels

For the one I trust.

The one who kneels,

Out of more than just lust...

Kneels for the completion 

Of trust.

Waiting will fly by 

For when he arrives,

I will look into his eyes,

And realize 

For him, 

He is worth the wait. 

 

 

 

 

 

1 month ago. February 4, 2023 at 5:40 AM

She has been wandering

Not sure of her direction

Following the scent

Another dimension.

Her sacred desire

Coming alive

Unearthed by him

Keeps moving 

Continues to rise.

She senses him

Before he speaks

His heat

His eyes.

He senses, he knows

He sees her skin glow

He sees her soul 

Gently exposed.

He slowly observes

Learns all he can

She leans into him

Finally free. 

1 month ago. January 28, 2023 at 4:34 AM

Where do I start? 

As with any relationship, but more so with D/s, each partner needs to learn about the other. Conversation and honesty are a must. True bonding, trust building, and Intimacy can only happen this way. We should never be afraid of our truth; we should fear ourselves if at any time we feel a lie is a better option. Once trust is eroded, how hard is it to get back, if at all, and will you always wonder if the truth is being spoken ever again? All valid and necessary points to ponder.

I truly love learning about someone I care about and entrusting my safety, body and heart to. The one I choose to give my submission to. Honesty can be brutally raw, and can sting, but I would choose that any day of the week, than sugar coated fairy tales that never exist. I know Sir and I will not always agree. I know we have similar, yet different, interests both in kink and non kink topics. That is one thing I cherish with us. I can truly say I learn something new about life every day we talk. It doesn't matter what it is about, and I am grateful for our conversations everyday. 

Before meeting Sir, I was already undergoing growth and personal development. Now, with him, he and I can explore ways to do this together. I am learning I am not alone in this struggle. Some of the most beautiful words he has said, he said tonight: "How can I help you?" I came to realize at that moment, that is a question I've not heard much, let alone how to answer it.

I answered it, and felt so much better after. I know I am a naturally emotional and passionate person, yet there are areas I can continue to improve in. Learning patience with myself will be one part of that solution. 

While my submission to Sir is my gift to him, his desire to learn together with me, is one of many gifts he has given me. 

2023 is already an amazing journey, and will continue to grow as Sir and I learn together❤️.

2 months ago. January 21, 2023 at 7:26 PM

The voices...

All around me..

Happy,  angry, sad, laughing, singing...

Sounds of emotional expression

Life's impressions 

One being strongest

Used to be mine...

Toying with my thoughts

Insanity entwined.

She's fading now...

In such a better way,

A stronger voice prevails

Dominant and caring in his ways...

What the voice does to me

His voice alone...

Is more than I can find words for

Yearning for more.

How one voice 

Can soothe me so much

Is a gift no one can touch.

The digital word will never compare,

To hearing him remind me

Treasure me

Reassure me

He is always there.

💋

 

2 months ago. January 21, 2023 at 4:00 AM

The time hasn't felt as quick as it suggests.

It feels like it's always been.

The right time.

The right place.

The right choice.

I want to capture all the conversations into a memory playlist.

To listen to when moments of uncertainty arise.

When I have a rough day.

When he has a rough day.

His laugh 

His smile 

His goofy jokes

The way he says goodnight...

I want to capture all this time 

So I never forget 

And remind myself 

I'm so blessed we met.