Tersely Pertinent

With the posting of the original DADT blog post (by a woman who I hungrily lust after), I thought I would give you another perspective.  

(No.  I'm not saying you can cheat on your spouse.   Just fuck off with that.)

I have posted before on the fact I am married and my wife no longer participates in the lifestyle.   Do to this, I have spent a good deal of time and effort making contact with submissives in and around my area.   As I have also posted, all those efforts have not been affective. 

The main cause of in my difficulties is the fact I am married.   

Now I have always been honest in this fact.   Either through posting on my varied profiles, or mentioning it in conversation,   I have never tried to hide this particular fact.  However, time and time again I have either been called a liar or just been assumed I am one due to other men being liars on the subject.

I have always understood the submissive's viewpoint and never pressed the issue.   But here comes the really funny part:  Not one of them has ever thought about or even asked whether they could speak with my wife.

Not 

a

single

one

So here is my question:   If given the chance, would you talk to a spouse about entering a lifestyle relationship with a married person?

Discuss:

(Disclaimer:  This is assuming you would be interested in poly sort of relationship.   Not that the spouse would enter into the D/s one) 

I often get messages here and on fet asking why I am "unattached".   People read my profiles (or at least claim to do so, I'll explain below) and my erotica and see the photos of my toys and gush over it all.    Then with the inevitability of an eastward sun comes:

"I can't believe you don't have a sub!"

So this morning I thought I would post a few of my replies to such a statement.  Quite frankly, there are a number of reasons, which for one or more of them often eliminates most of the candidates here and other places.    So here is a partial list with explanations:

Number 1:

"I'm married"

Now this isn't so much an elimination on my part, but on the part of the candidate.   I get the fact that not everyone is into poly, nor should they be.   Poly is very ha999rd work and not everyone is equipped with that kind of strength.    Add to the fact that most s types want someone of their own, which is also fine.   But for Fuck's sake: Read my gawd damn profile!   I go to great lengths to point out the fact I am married (now I will mention that I think Cage sucks ass at relationship categories, but I digress), so stop saying you read my profile and then get all shocked at my mentioning my wife.

Number 2:

"I'm Old School"

I got started into the Lifestyle in the mid 90s (before there was a World Wide Web) and back then there pretty much was three categories: Master (Mistress), Dom (Domme) and Top (gender neutral).   We had our rules, which were fairly inflexible.     We had our Titles, rituals, Protocols and what all.     We were simple and it worked.    It still works for me today and it is very unlikely it is going to change.   It is just the way it is.     This isn't a fact I hide from anyone and still there are those that are shocked I work this way.    In my world, there isn't many shades of gray when dealing with the lifestyle.   

Number 3:

"Age is more than just a number"

This is one that draws a good deal of flack.   The fact is I am now 60 years of age and my viewpoint of property is changing with my age.    Part of that is being how old the candidate is.    I have an range of 45 to about 57.   Older than that seems unlikely due to the amount of abuse I am going to dish out (see No. 4) and younger than that is unlikely to have the same meeting of the minds on the lifestyle.   A few months back, I attempted to forgo this issue and worked at an attempt with someone almost 20 years younger than I.    We grew close and then we hit a goal post conflict and it didn't work out.   I should have known better.

Number 4:

"I am a Sadist"

For me, part of being Old School is being an unapologetic Sadist.  While I have been called "fucked in the head" a time or two, I have a reason for causing pain.    It isn't the pain for the pain's sake or even simply because "I can".   It is to see what the s type will give to me.   What they are willing to put up with to make me happy.  To me, this is all part of the surrender on their part.      How much are they willing to suffer to show they are my property.    Now accompanying that:

 Number 5:

"I love humiliation" 

Maybe not all forms but there are a good deal of what I can and will do.  From piss play to public showing to name calling, the list can go on and on and on.   Now again, this is not for everyone nor should it be.   It takes great strength, both mentally and emotionally to put up with this kind of show.  Not everyone has that capability.

Number 6:

"I don't want someone new to the Lifestyle"

Going with issue #3: I am simply too old to start training someone with no real time experience in the lifestyle.   I think it is grand they want to investigate their needs and wants, but I am no longer interested in starting at ground zero anymore.   I'll be happy to give advice and then shoo them on their way, but I need a basis on which to start.    Specially in physical traits.  No more "masochists" who think hairpulling during a spanking is too much. 

Number 7

"Intelligence"

Now this isn't going to go where you think it is.   Quite the contrary.   I need someone smart.   I want someone to make wise choices.    Not just someone who can think but someone with emotional intelligence.  Someone smarter than me would be great!    Someone to keep me on my toes, so to speak.    I am not one to get upset if I am told I am wrong and am willing to learn.    I don't want a dumbunny or, worse, somone who is unwilling to think.     Still worse: someone unwilling to speak their mind. 

Conclusion 

In reality, there isn't an order of these categories I have listed.   They are just here in the way they bubbled out of my little brain.   Some days one thing is more important,  other days it is something else.   Still they are all important to me and is unlikely that is going to change til it is time for my final nap.   So take of this what you will and for those that have finished it, I owe you beer for my ranting.     

(the things you can find on bluesky)

It would be rather unnerving to do a flogging scene in front of a group of people who were all sitting there wearing 3D glasses and eating popcorn?

I should organize something like that some time

A.I

Profile

Photos?

Illustrations? 

Slop?

Now don't get me wrong.   I understand people now wanting to put a photo of themselves as an Avatar or on just their profile.   But Good Gawd, the proliferation of the use of A.I. has increased so much that I am sure some small towns have been blacked out due to the amount of electricity used to create these things.

Profile after profile after profile after profile uses them that the "Who's online" looks like a cartoon factory.   Are we rapidly approaching the time when everyone will be using them?     

The alter was built from drift wood, found along the beach.    Weathered poles, still strong even after the rain and tide washed over them.   Each one driven deep into the sand, held rock steady and hearty.  They provided a frame where her dedication to the prayers she offered. 

Leather straps dropped down from the crossbeam to wrap around her wrists with loving care  and pulling her arms above her head in a praise to the glowing morning sun.    The yellow god of the sky returned her love in the form of heat, drawing the sweat from her body, dripping down her back and over her buttocks and between her legs down to the sand at her feet.

She watched the waves role in as she felt the bite of more leather danced across her shoulders and spine.    Matching her breathing to each wave, her toes dug deep into the beach trying to reach higher in her sacrifice.   Legs spasmed and hips rocked.    Drippings from between the legs joined the sweat in the sand below.

As the waves crested into the shoreline,  she released her her final sacrifice in a wave of her own, collapsing into the hold of the straps and arms of her love.   

So in our last discussion, I asked everyone about their "Why".   This led me back to thinking on an old Fet post I did talking about the old journalistic questions:

Who

What 

When 

Where 

Why 

How

Being that I am somewhat tired from a bad night and waiting on things to happen here at the house, I thought I would do a small discussion on another section.  What I would like to know from you all is Where you think you like to practice the lifestyle.

Do you prefer:

The local Dungeon?

Your Living Room?

The Basement?

Out in Public?

Only in the Bedroom?

In the car?

In the Backyard?

Is one place more important to you?    Do you have space somewhere or it is merely a spot of convivence?   What are your thoughts....

Discuss: 

Because I am retired, I do spend a great deal of time here on Cage and on Fet.    It gives me time to indulge myself in one of my favorite perversions:

Profile reading.

Now most of you think I am cruising for naky pics (well naky feet pics, but I digress) when I am really wanting to see what people have to say about themselves and the lifestyle.  Mostly I am looking for the reason they they got attracted to the lifestyle to begin with.    This is what I call "The Why".

Now most people don't list their why.    They want to talk about their kinks or their fetishes.   Others want to list what they are not looking for.   Still others say nothing at all (this is a visual media, so if you don't put anyting, you get nothing out).   Very few talk about why they are here.

Now a good deal of that is they don't really understand their why.   They think saying things like "I'm a natural submissive" is ok.   They don't explain why they think this.   I often wonder if they even understand why they think they are so.   

However, I think the Why is deeper than that.    I have spent decades thinking on my why and have come to many different conclusions.   I started out thinking it was just the sex, but older me threw that out the window.   Long ago, it came to me that it was much deeper than that.    But that is personal philosophy is  now further reaching.    Though I sometimes wonder if future me will simply come back to the sex.   I don't know.

So kiddies, today my question is:

Have you thought about your Why?     

Better still, do you understand your Why?

Discuss:  

Sorry

Sorry Sorry

It was the snow being blown

Not me

Sorry for the Confusion 

Eight Inches here

also

Some snow