I’m about to have a high stress Monday, and my brain is already in over drive. I have to go in to the courthouse tomorrow and the anxiety is unpleasant to say the least.
A little stress relief in the way of a cuddly partner, hot tea, hotter erotic dark romance of the “why choose” variety, and a massage to follow shortly, is just what the doctor ordered.
I have my plan, know what I’m supposed to say, do, behave, etc. My partner is staying home for the chores, and my mother or gran is coming with me, just in case my brain decides to make trouble. I’m not my diagnoses. I know this but that doesn’t mean they don’t give me difficulties in situations like this.
I know what I’m wearing, the clothes about 60% more modest than I like but it’s a small town. My hair will be styled back, as subdued as I can make it. My makeup natural rather than my usual dramatic goth. I know it’s not a lot but it makes a difference. I’ll be wearing a mask, strep throat just tore through our house this past week, and if my lip ring is covered? Bonus!
I loathe the need to compromise on my appearance, that people will look at me and see my tattooed skin, dyed hair and piercing, and automatically think I’m less than them. I’m worth ten of most of these people, looking down their nose at me even as I’m standing a foot taller than them in some cases. Yeah I have a specific person in mind there.
No, that’s not a story I’m telling today.
The fact remains that I’m going in at a disadvantage on two fronts, and the things that make me comfortable in my own skin? That’s what will be the hardest to put aside for the day.
My partner promises after we will watch Beetlejuice together, cuddling on the couch, when I can dress as I please, let my hair do as it wishes. He knows these are things that will make the day better, things that I’ll need after the horrible day pretending to be what I’m not in front of a judge for the traffic tickets.
That’s the stress, traffic court for outdated inspection and registration for the car is just bought from my aunt. Fun stuff right?