Someone out there must have called my name three times, and I am summoned to cause mischief and trouble once more! Join me for the ride, darlings! You won’t wish to be left out!
I think by now we are aware that Lady Kat is a creature of whimsy and chaos, that there are some who call her a force of nature, and one not to be trifled with at that? That she’s well in possession of her faculties, whether her logic is understandable to anyone besides herself or not? Yes, good, you lovely people catch on so quickly.
Unfortunately the peasants of my little hamlet, the good townsfolk of my little burg? They are proving very slow on the uptake indeed.
Not the students, children of legal age that forget their manners and basic decorum upon entering the dormitory of whichever local school they’re attending. These don’t bother me, watching the light drain from their eyes as they draw closer and closer to real life and sneer at the new freshmen coming in who are just as obnoxious as they were such a short time ago? Them I can tolerate.
No, it’s these baffling encounters like the one I had on my walk today. I wasn’t home or it’s have been solitary and perfect. Instead it was ridiculous.
I was halfway down the path, dressed modestly enough in a sports bra and leggings, since I wasn’t doing a jog or run with my sinuses aggressively congested. I had just hit the 3/4 mile mark when a woman approached me. There was a mortified looking young man with her who given their similarities in features could only have been her son. He could have been anywhere between 16-20 from the height and features, the woman was easily pushing fifty if not older. She didn’t appear to be hiding her age but if she scowls like that regularly it really does age ones face.
Anyways I move to the side of the path to let them by, but she blocks my path. I turn off my audiobook and ask if I can help her.
Mistake number one was allowing her to speak.
She spends the next few minutes scoffing at my question and glaring pointedly at my exposed midriff, I looked down to see if I’d sprouted tentacles or an extra arm. The young man tried to retreat into his hoodie like he was caving in on himself.
She then calls me a slur for sexworkers, and demands I cover myself.
Strike two.
Stunned I look to the young man with the universal “is she off her meds” look, and notice he’s a shade of red only slightly darker than the burgundy hoodie he is wearing. He’s attempting to look at my left earlobe as best I can tell, seemingly fearing making eye contact or looking at anything lower. Poor lad.
Then the woman begins ranting. Now I’m a fan of a good rant but the content of hers left me livid. From what I could get between her pitiful attempts at shaming me, her son is a student at one of the local colleges, and during their walk today she caught him watching me. It was nearly 80F today so not exactly hoodie weather for most people, and she said he couldn’t take it off because he’d “reacted” to my “nakedness”.
At this point the young man looked like he was praying some gods of old would come kill him where he stood, and my mirth at the ridiculousness of the situation died. Did I feel bad for wearing what I was comfortable in for my walk? Not at all. Was I upset this young man had a physical reaction to my body as I did so? Gods no, he didn’t attempt to harass me, try to speak to me, or blame me. He just kept on a hoodie so his mother wouldn’t see.
I asked her exactly what she was trying to accomplish harassing me and humiliating him. The young man was nearly in tears at this point, but his head shot up at that. he saw the disgust he apparently expected on my face, just not aimed at him. His mother began sputtering about how I should be covered and not showing so much of myself and tempting “innocent students.”
I very nearly growled at her to stop talking. My shoulders straightened, I stood to my full height and I let my face settle into it’s more natural countenance. Lady Katastrophe had entered the chat.
The steel in my voice gave her pause and the young man’s face lost a bit of its color. I addressed him directly asking first his age and what year in college he was. 19 and starting his junior year. He began attempting to apologize for both his mother and his body and I cut him off.
I told him I was flattered to be so attractive to him, and his attempting to be respectful and not make me uncomfortable was appreciated. His mother acted on her own and I hoped he wasn’t too embarrassed by her antics. About this time the woman began her tirade anew, noticing I was fully ignoring her.
Strike three.
I stepped a single step closer to her, looking down my nose at this spectacularly foolish woman. I smiled my most charming smile, the one my partner knows means unspeakable danger if the behavior continues, and asked if she truly found my body so distracting, was it wishing for my youth or perhaps attraction on her part as well? Her turn to flush crimson.
While she was still gaping I wished her son a pleasant afternoon, sentiments he returned and sidestepped the woman impersonating a striped bass on land.
I quickly finished my walk and returned to my grandmother’s house to finish decorating for the party Saturday. And do you know I really did feel better?
The fresh air and ego boost did wonders for my sinus headache after all.
