Surprise I’m alive!
Darlings I’ve had quite the holiday season and you’ll just have to excuse a certain level of neglect. Your Lady Kat was utterly swamped with frightful festivities and putting moronic family members and locals alike in their places.
Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve been ascribed to all manner of silly monikers. Things like “Dramatic” and “other the top” to “salacious” and “unnecessarily tempting”. The date of one family member accused me of trying to “defraud” himself and other young men present.
Now some of those caused eye rolling, a few vicious smirks, and one incredibly puzzled look at that last one.
Darlings, it’s official, I’ve had an encounter with a fundie! So you may all mark “Lady Kat deals with a Bible tyrant” off your Bingo cards!
Gather close my darling little deviants, it’s story time. Don’t worry, there’s always plenty of room to kneel at my feet.
Let’s set the scene shall we. The extended family does a couple of events for the season, and some are more party like than others, this one was a pre Christmas dinner party consisting of smoked meats and cheeses and charcuterie like accompaniments. There was wine for those of us who partake and tea for those who don’t. All fine and inclusive. It’s the sort of gathering one should expect when a baptist marries a Catholic and the two families refused to split the holidays. That was years ago but the traditions have held.
Now I’m sure you all can guess the sort of outfit I wore, a well fitting green dress in the vintage style I love best, wine red tights, and a soft cropped cardigan in white. My usual black boots swapped for a pair of black Mary janes in deference to my grandmother. I’d done some cute festive makeup, green liner and holly drawn at the corner of my eyes, and a red lip. Perhaps the dress was short, and the tights rather sheer, but a perfectly respectable outfit. My partner made sure to express his appreciation for my outfit as he was adjusting the buckles on my shoes.
The start of the party was fun. Holiday music and some games for the lytlings, gifts passed about and food eaten. It was when the party broke into small groups of conversation, that I had to make rounds in as the host’s grandchild, that the trouble began.
A cousin brought their new beau to the party. Sort of a trial by fire for the fellow. He was polite if a bit cocky sounding, and by gods was he dull. His suit was less than well tailored, which is fair enough but the fact he wore a suit at all was strange enough. Most college students I know rarely manage a button down shirt and slacks, let alone the jacket and tie this fellow wore. But it was odd.
He spoke to the air above my left shoulder rather than speaking directly to me. And occasionally glared at the glass of mulled wine in my hand, as if it was spitting insults at him. I pulled the cousin aside after that encounter and asked what the issue was.
Here’s where I was called both “dramatic” and “over the top” by the way, her excuse was he’s just very religious and my entire being was shocking to someone like him.
Now, dearies, you know I love to make a splash. If I don’t turn heads entering a room I’m either quite ill, or I’ve been possessed! But by wearing a skirt above the knee, properly applied makeup and having my lovely décolletage displayed to tasteful advantage, I had somehow upset this young man. Oh and drinking anything stronger than lemonade, well I’d just labeled myself an utter harlot! How sinful of me, how terribly wicked.
And I’m the dramatic one. I resolved to avoid them the rest of the evening. She had the look of a girl enamored with her fool of a paramour, and he wasn’t likely to be a stimulating conversation for me either.
But as with all the best laid plans, my own sound resolution was not to be allowed to stand.
Less than an hour later, I was stood discussing with my aunt and her stepdaughter their plans to visit her boyfriend and his parents. Of course some gentle teasing of the teen, and her recent rather poetic appreciations of her sweetheart was overheard by the young man. He inserted himself into our conversation and my aunt’s annoyance very nearly matched my own when he asked how she could allow me to corrupt her child that way.
Here I believe is where salacious was used. Glad to see his SAT vocab prep stuck.
But apparently my being a desirable woman, dressed as such, was defrauding to the men present. I’m related either by marriage or blood to all other males at this event. My partner by this point having taken the lytlings home for all of us, he was not present at this point. Good thing too, he’d have been laughing out loud by then.
Defrauding, to the best of my inferring from the ramblings he spewed at me, means causing lustful thoughts or attempting to seduce in some way. Again, this was a family party, cue my disgust and disdain. My aunt and grandma agreed. Though my great uncle laughed at the boy attempting to shame me.
“This is conservative for her! And she looks perfectly respectable, sonny. If you saw her the rest of the year that’d be a shock for you! She’s not responsible for your attraction or confusion, maybe work on those before coming back hmm?” The old man said, between gasping laughs. He was a teen when my mother had come along, and was the fun uncle. Rode a motorcycle until his heart transplant in the 90’s. He was also the one who bought me the material to make this dress last year. After I mentioned wanting to recreate one from a picture I’d seen of his mother and aunts in the 50’s.
The preachy boy left shortly after that, and we spent the rest of the evening consoling my cousin. She didn’t appreciate his insinuations or his thoughts on my appearance. She was more annoyed she’d wasted two months of her college life dating him. I told her the next guy who invites her to Bible study as a date, maybe pass on that one.
So my little deviants, Lady Kat is back, and perhaps you can see where she gets some of her spark from?
