We speak so much of transparency in this lifestyle. I know I do. I preach it all the time to those I counsel.
I have come to realize....it is often a state of awareness with ourselves that we must grow into. It's not like we wake up one day and believe we're transparent and, therefore, are.
Many have a false notion that being honest is being transparent. I won't argue and deny that being honest plays a part in transparency. But it is only the beginning. You can be as honest as you like and still not understand how to be transparent.
Transparency speaks of clarity. A focus achieved with understanding. When it comes to who we are and transparency...we can only be clear by knowing who we are.
Sounds confusing, doesn't it?
Allow me the liberty of an example:
I can honestly tell you why I want to dominate someone. Because I need to. It's my greatest peace. It has zero to do with ego, pride, OCD, control, fear, insecurity, et cetera. Being transparent is being able to explain the why. I know myself enough to understand what motivates me. That it's healthy. That it moves me positively. This doesn't come from honestly just acknowledging that I want to dominate. It comes from knowing myself to understand why I do. I more than just want to...yes, of course, I want to, more than that though, I NEED to. For my personal well-being. I need to dominate to take responsibility for another's soul is to be my best. I am less than if I do not. Not because I am somehow not good enough. No, that's not the point. Rather, because caring for another stretches me, pushes me to expand myself beyond my walls and borders personally. Meeting someone where they are and encouraging/supporting them creates a space of contentment and fulfillment within my purpose. I was created, built to give guidance and focus for another in this life. I honor and respect this truth about myself. In doingso, I also acknowledge my need of others in my life. Something on a human level I am not very good at. But, in transparency, I know my weakness and my strength. I understand my focus. My purpose. With precise clarity.
This is way more than simply being honest. Being honest created and pushed me into a space to see the depth of myself. It was the start. The beginning of my acknowledging my truth...the next steps were simply growth. Moments, times, experiences that showed me myself enough to see clearly my own need. This allows me then to be transparent. This didn't happen overnight. In fact, if you asked me, I would tell you I truly don't know when the "epiphany" happened. Other than to tell you I spent years in reflection. Honestly, I still do. I've learned to be in that space. Because in that I am able to authentically give who I am.
We speak of the importance of transparency because it allows us to know ourselves. Our personal purpose. This is necessary because it defines what we need. Not only in our hearts and minds but to those whom we share this lifestyle with in an intimate way. When we know, when we understand...we can then express to our partner(s) with clarity that which we truly desire within our dynamics. This focus is ours. What moves us. What brings our lives fulfillment and purpose. Meaning and satisfaction. We are not just blindly saying, "Hey, I like that" and then when someone does it in a way, we don't appreciate changing our minds or closing up. We discover, what we like is more than just a specific way someone does something. It is a necessity that it is done as we enjoy. Either as a kink or a lifestyle. It allows our partner(s) to meet our needs, not just as an idea imagined in their head, but a realized and expressed truth.
Honesty is the beginning of a realized existence of purpose.
We speak of trust being the bedrock of the lifestyle. Everything stems from trust.
The groundwork prepared for trust to reside begins with honesty. It is made richer and more solid with transparency. Within transparency, trust is fostered and nurtured.
Are there things you are transparent about? Are there other things you have yet to discover about yourself to be transparent? Are you comfortable being honest?
Can you say that you know enough of who you are and what you want to be able to give yourself to another? If you don't understand why you want what you do, how can your partner(s) help nurture that which you're unaware of?
Know Thyself. And To Thine Own Self Be True...
I hope this writing finds you with peace on your journey.
Namaste
Drago & Amethyst
