Simple Chaos

This hour that is afternoon for most,  is an hour I consider to be middle of the "night".  I am a third shifter and therefore live oppisite hours. I have been up all day and half the night doing something I haven't done in years. Something that I have always loved to do but lost inspiration for. And up untill yesterday I had never felt such an intense drive for. Writing. I was sitting here chatting with some new friends on this site and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Its like the story has been there this whole time and it just came bursting through. Never have I felt this kind of passion about a story much less a need to get it out of me. Ive been up all day and half the night, banging out on this story. It's just now after having gotten enough of the story out of my head, that I look up and notice the light streaming through my window.. Normaly I'd be fast asleep right now. Im overwhelmed with emotion and humbled. I want to thank my new friends that I've made her and thecage. I think its the freedom I have felt here as well as the people who have inspired me. Without ever knowing it, ya'll have gifted me with something very special.

I Thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

goodnight. 

To all of thee who's eyes thus read, May the Highest Powers that be, The God and Goddess that watch over me, bless each of you and yours with Love and Light. May all the inner dreams and schemes locked inside you also be set free. 333 So I say it. So mote it be.

Stereotypes.....where do they come from? The Mob.. Society.. The Village.. 

Fear. Unease. Ignorance. 

Up untill around June of 2020, you could have considered me less than vanilla. Probably not even that considering I didn't enjoy sex, derived nothing but a sense of dread, shame and inadequacy from it. Actually thought I was broken, missing something that apparently every other female on the planet seem to have. Never will forget it.... Bout a year after I took my then 1 yr old daughter, and excaped a 15 yr abusive marriage, I was in the tub.....I had ran the water a little hotter than I usually did. I get in, adjust to the temp...and lay back. I let my legs fall open and relax......... The breath stopped in my lungs when the most wanderful feeling in the world engulfed my.......My clit swelled up and all these sensations and shit was radiating from it. I did what my body told me to do. 

Damn near drowned myself. I know I sat in that tub hours after the water had done gone cold, crying and laughing at the same time. I wasnt broken. I was just as.......much as every other woman on the planet.

Fast forward another year and several more near death drownings in the tub, I ventured out into the world looking for a partner. Thats when I met.... Indianna, (we'll call him). He more or less embodied the worst or my fears and shit when it came to men and sex as well as other things. He presented himself as a D-type but in the end, hind sight being what it is, he was just a self absorbed narcissist. Nonetheless, I did gain alot of good from the relationship I had with him. It was him that first opened my eyes to BDSM as well as many other things. I cant help but grin at the old me and shake my head. To think that I had went YEARS, waisted YEARS, without knowing the physical pleasures that could be had all because of a stereotype I was...fed, taught, or had. For example....and please, dont judge me too harshly, for at the time I really was this..... innocent...Fisting..... at the time I was horrified at the thought, had googled it, (wrong thing to do without a base line so to speak) It was unthinkable.... Well....lets just say Indianna had a way of making me want things.......jeeze.    Anyways........ As it would turn out.......No where near the horror I thought it would be. Granted he was unable to fit his hand completely in, I am a bit small and it becomes too painful, but up untill it becomes too much....... stretched and filled to the brim became a very very wonderful thing, where as before..... 

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a  reason. No such thing as coincidence or accident, nor do I believe that its all mapped out. I believe that everything happens when ever, where ever, and how ever its suppose to in accordance to the ever changing and shifting energy forms that we are. I sit here in this very moment, looking at faded bruises and scratches, sporting new glasses and the last smudges of a black eye curtisey of Indianna, Half of me wishes I had pulled the trigger on my single barral and filled his ass full of buckshot, (just little ole 8s..wouldnt have killed him). Yet there other half, I am very thankful for haveing had him in my life and learning and gaining the things that I did from my time with him. And while answering my friends questions about obvious bruises, it dawned on me, that he was going to judge my Indiana harshly..due to stereotypes...And I cant blame my friend, I can only try to help him to see past it. 

I'm not sure why I write this. Part of me thinks it might be my way of giving Indianna his due, a tribute if you will to the unintentional twisted work of art that he is. Maybe I'm trying to keep myself mindful of the lesson, a few misconceived notions left to shed perhaps. For whatever reason..........

If you've actually read my ramblings this far, Imma say thanks for hanging in here, I appreciate the exchange of energy. 

Love and Light to you and yours.

L.S.

She swayed slightly on the balls of her feet. The sound of metal links scraping together pierced the silence yet made no echo. Her heart began to pound as her brian registered two facts. The restraints around her ankles and wrist were not only very real but very effective at securing her. She was only able to shift mere 2 inches either direction.  And second……….the room was sound proof.  She cursed loudly,  the lack of an echo confirming it.  She started to shiver yet it wasnt from being cold. Despite being completely naked and wet, water still dripped from the ends of her hair.  She couldn't see the droplets but could only feel them as they landed and then slid their way down her shoulders and breast, mingling with the small trickle of fear that ran along her spine. He had blindfolded her before they had entered the building. Silently he had  led her into the room, slipped the leather cuffs around her hands and feet. And then just as silently walked out closing the door firmly behind him.  Fear made every cell in her body go on high alert.  She wasn't scared of him. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. She trusted him to know how far he could take her. And there was always the safe word. It ensured that she could ultimately rescue herself if need be.  Knowing that no matter how hot passion was burning or how intense sexual need was running, that she had only uttered one word and he would instantly stop whatever he was doing, take a step back, made her trust him all the more.  That he would put her well being mind, body and soul above his voracious sexual appetite spoke volumes to her soul.  It was the not knowing that caused the fear. The unknown scared the shit out of her.  He made being scared of the unknown a good thing.  

  Her mind drifted back to the ride home, She had known they would take the back dr up to the house long before they had gotten there.  She was accustomed to him being aggressive sexually.  She never knew when he would simply walk up behind her, slip his finger around the front and start undoing her pants sliding them off her ass. She would give a whimper of need bending over at the waist, her flesh burning with need fully exposed. It was always intense and hot between them. Hard and fast, exploding into mind blowing orgasams. He had fallen silent for such a length of time that she began to wander. As they pulled up to a light, she glanced over and was shocked at the intensity of passion that raged in his eyes as they bore into hers. Returning his eyes forward as the light turned green he reached over and placed his hand on her thigh, fingertips brushing the hem of the little black dress she wore. Her heart started to pound as his long fingers splayed wide and squeezed. She could only stare at his hand, her mind racing unsure of what he was doing, foreplay wasn't something he did. Having his cock inside of her, in some form or another, was always his main focus. Slowly his fingers started to slip under her dress. Her muscles quivered under his palm as if of their own accord, her thighs parted slightly as her hips tilted forward in the seat. When his fingertips reached her skimpy thong, he did nothing more than trace his fingers along the black silk edges. Over and over again he circled her cunt as her panties became soaking wet. Finally when she began panting and about to go insane, he at last curled his hand around the thin material and gave a slight jerk, effortlessly ripping the thong from her hip. He palmed the mounds of her quivering pussy, a low growl coming from deep in his throat as he felt how hot and wet she was for his touch. He began to firmly massage her before his fingers started to spread and stroke her slick folds, causing her to spread her legs even wider, wanting him to have full access. Slowly he played with her pussy, fingering her tight little hole. Taking her to the edge of bliss before backing off to flatten his palm over her burning cunt, not letting her cum. When they finally reached his place she was damn near begging. As he slipped his hand from under her dress, then placed his fingers slick with her juices into his mouth, causing her breath to stop and cum seep from her pussy. All she could do was sit frozen as he got out and came around to open her door. As she stepped out of the car the remnants of her thong slipped down her leg and from around her black pump. He slipped his hands around her waist and backed her up against the car, then bending slowly to retrieve the ripped silk and stuffing them in his pocket. Still kneeling in front of her he slid his hands up her thighs to her waist, taking the dress with them, till finally he was pulling it over her head, leaving her standing there in nothing more than black 6 inch heels. Reaching out he grasps her nipples between his finger tips, gently rolling and pulling them til they were hard erect little nubs, she swayed towards him thrusting her tits more fully into his hands, reaching up and grabbing ahold of the collar of his jacket to steady herself on knees gone weak. As he reached up and began removing his tie he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, the tip of his tongue teasing the edges of her mouth. Pulling back slightly to stare deep into her eyes, he asked her, “Do you trust me?” She instantly nodded her head. “Say the words,”  She whispered the words he wanted, “I trust you”. He smiled slightly, his eyes glittering. He reached up and placed his tie around her eyes, securing it firmly.

(I've had many friends and loved ones ask me about finishing this story. Hell, I wanna finish the story. But alas.....my ignorance prevents me from doing so.. This is something my writers ego does not take well..Whats more, is on some primal, instinctual leveal, I do know what happens next. Like its right there, floating just beyond my grasp. 

Would any one care to.....step inside and give me their insight?  I think this might be fun.)

When I decided to venture towards finding a Dom, I knew there would be a certain amount of emotion involved. Hell, I am an emotional creature by design... And I knew I was going to have to... stand down...if you will?  I mean.... More than once, I've been told that I was like a dog backed into a corner......all .. the .. time. So I know I have to let some of these guards down, at least partially..  To say I underestimated just how strong and at times confusing, my emotions would be, would be a gross understatement. 

I'm very tired of being afraid.

I'm very tired of being unable to trust.

I'm very tired of being solitary.