Unapologetically Me!

Today was a hard day waking up. I had a really weird dream that is too long to share. It had me thinking about where I fit in this thing called life. 

I have always been told that I am not enough of something or not good enough for some people. I have been experiencing some troubles at work with people not staying in their lanes and trying to do my job for me, a job that I am amazing at by the way. When it comes to the career path that I chose, I fit. Other than that I do not fit anywhere.

I truck along on this earth with my head held high and my shoulders strong so that no one can see how broken I feel inside. This too shall pass, I know but right now I feel sad and alone.

The memories in my Google photos and snap chat just reminded me of my time when I just so happened to have been asked to join a kink group on Kik about a year and some months ago. I’ve talked about this group before on here. 

I made the decision to meet up with one of the Dom’s. At first it seemed like a great idea because he seemed nice and knew all the right things to say but when I got there he wasn’t anything like he explained himself to be. He claimed to be a sadist. I had never been with a sadist and wanted to explore that side of myself a little. 

I definitely regretted it because he used his depression, frustration and anger on me then called it sadism. I learned my lesson in the sense that I NEED to trust my gut/instincts. I also NEED to stick to my vetting process and really get to know someone before I meet them in person because that situation could’ve been so much worse than it ended up being. 

#lessonlearned #neveragain

What is the one thing that your S/O or Dom/sub does that drives you wild???

P.S. doesn’t have to be sexual

I have not been able to do anything other than stay in, work and take care of people/pets/things at home. 

I was offered a vacation with a friend. I only had to pay for my flight! I am forever grateful because this time away is MUCH needed. 🛩✈️💃🏻🤗

What is the best way to cheer you up when you are sad/mad? 

I’ll go first: I love cuddles/being held and my favorite food when I am sad. When I am mad I have to be left alone for a bit to calm down and gather my thoughts then I need to be able to communicate my feelings and the problem in order to get past it. I hate being angry for long periods of time or going to bed mad because each day is not always given.

I haven’t had a lot of time for myself lately because of family struggles and having an unexpected litter of puppies to take care of. But in all of it I feel like I am losing myself. I am always so quick to jump and help others because that is my nature but at the same time I resent it. 

I am also slowly losing my need to find love and be in a relationship. I have been independent and single for so long that I have gotten used to it and don’t know anything else. 

Just needed to vent a little. :(

Oh the days when ALL I had to worry about was what I was going to play with and eat for the day. 

Adulting is not for me right now! I would love to be able to just go into subspace and not have to worry about anything or make any decisions for a while! 

If you’re going to send me a message with any of the following don’t expect a continued conversation....

You're sexy, very sexy, etc.

Love your pics, enjoying your pics, etc.

What are you wearing, what you got on, etc.

Still looking for a Dom?, How’s the search going?, etc.

I’m interested, you’re exactly what I’m looking for, etc.

Be original and ACTUALLY read my profile before you message me. It’s not that hard! 

Just wanted to share this with you all.

M - aybe this day is not 

O - ne of your favorites, but

N - ever forget that every

D - ay you wake up is an

A - mazing gift and it’s up to 

Y - ou to make it count!

Have a great day!

Going back to work has been so stressful! 

Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I have a job but I just wish there was more guidance for us. We are scrambling like chickens with our heads cut off. I can’t wait until my routine is back in place because the unknown is so difficult for me right now. 

😔