I'm still learning. Advice was given: be more vulnerable, be brave, take the risks and you will be rewarded. Okay, I was vulnerable once, told the truth, put myself put there went to party and I was taken advantage of. Yes, I drank too much and yes I probably should have phoned a friend but I had trust in humanity to not be the worst kind of unforgivable and it shook me to my core, it changed me. I reactted by hiding for two years, isolating myself from the outside world. I am a runner. I will admit that. And when I was ready to step out into the world again, I was changed: paranoid, timid, rageful, unrecognizable, my weight climbed up as quick as it went down and I am aimless.
Now, I am home, back in the city where I was born and raised. I continue to be a total ghost surrounded by familiar strangers: my family. I believe this is my rock bottom for more reasons that can't be explained here.
They never made me feel whole, always different and label me black sheep. I want to leave.
I am leaving. Next week, Monday I will be on a plane to Mississippi. I will reset. I will find my people, my person, possibly plant roots. I want to try again, become a different person again.
Because that is life. Figuring out what works and what doesn't, figuring out where you fit and where you don't. The unforgivable acts of others should not stop you from overcoming the fears, finding your passion, finding where you fit.
