CtAndy's Random Thoughts and Writings

What is the scariest thing in the world for a lot of people in this lifestyle? 

If you think about it, many people in the lifestyle have spent years searching for their perfect partner. Some have been looking for years and are still looking. After looking for such a long time for someone that fits, you get very used to looking and longing and wishing and hoping. It almost defines you in part. The process of searching is not just something that you are doing, it's become part of who you are, part of your identity. 

So what is the scariest thing in the world for someone like that? Actually finding someone that fits them and is what they have been looking for. 

Initial excitement and happiness over finding someone turns into anxiety and trepidation about endless possibilities that will almost undoubtedly end in heartbreak and disaster. Becoming emotionally connected and attached to one single individual, that through experience we have learned will almost always end in failure and pain. The what ifs, the maybes, and the well this happened last times, are all there to ruin the good thing once you have finally found it. The stress of the negative possibilities causes strife and difficulty, and ultimately you withdraw and eventually push away. 

The scariest thing is finding what you want, and then screwing it up somehow. The problem is that this fear of screwing it up is often the reason that it gets screwed up in the first place. Once you spend so long looking, finding is scary.

There isn't quite anything that is as soothing when coming down with a cold or being sick a fresh raw honey in a hot drink.

Now I'm taking straight from the bees fresh, not that artificial corn syrup infused shit you buy at the grocery store. That's shits horrible for you.

This is part of the reason why we raise bees and do our own honey. It really is one of nature's super foods. You should look into it if you never have.

There is a special kind of boredom that one experiences when living long distance from your partner, especially when going from living together to then living apart. 

At first you get the whole feeling of freedom being able to do what you want, when you want, and how you want. After a while though, it starts to feel like you are kind of lost almost. You have played all the video games, watched the shows, read some books, but after a while things just start feeling kinda empty.

Along with that, for those of us that have that pesky need for physical touch, makes the word longing not exactly cover the whole that takes a place inside you. You look forward to the short snippets of time that you get to have with your partner, but those only happen every couple of months. You even search for new partners and interact with all sorts of people who ultimately end up more disappointing than anything else. Most people are disappointing, and underwhelming, and the vast majority of the time are entirely dishonest. 

So what's left, well boredom and a longing for the feeling of belonging again. Another day ticks by slowly. At least we know it won't last forever. Or hopefully not.

Where would you recommend for someone new to try and connect with like minded people? Where do you look for kinky friends, partners, education, or interests other than here? Where have you had the most success finding people with similar interests? What is the current go to place to find people to play with? Where do you look?

Something that I really enjoy but havent had much opportunity to do as of late is erotic hypnosis. I've been missing it lately and I would really love to do a session, or a few, if the right person were to come along. I'm particularly fond of trigger play including forced orgasms or orgasms on command, edging and orgasm denial, sensation play, voyeurism, and a wide variety of other things.

I have 7 years experience as a Tist, looking for a cis female, around my age or younger, preferable slim or athletic in build, and most importantly an open minded and willing subject.

I'm more than happy to discuss any details of what I would like prior to agreement to do a session. Informed consent is particularly important to me. The goal is to have the subject enjoy the session as much as I do, the last thing I want is for someone to regret something after the fact. DM if you have any questions or you might have interest.

I'm also more than open to general questions and discussion on the topic. Being that it isn't the most common of kinks, I know that is often considered some kind of mystical taboo that most people know very little about. I would be more than happy to chat with anyone or answer questions in general in the comments so anyone and everyone can learn if they are interested.

Other than that, no matter what else is going on in the world, I hope you all have a phenomenal day.

What are your thoughts?

Love it?

Hate it?

Love to hate it?

Completely neutral? 

What do you like, want, and enjoy about this sort of play? 

For those that don't like it, why and what would you prefer instead?

Time and time again this search ends in nothing but disappointment. Hours of conversation that gives the impression that you have actually found someone that fits what you want and are looking for. Deep and thought out responses and an smashing amazing conversation. 

You told yourself not to, but that little hope thing started to stir in the back of your mind and you didn't help but look forward to the next message waiting to continue the conversation but also restraining yourself because this person wants to go slow. 

Then you wake up in the morning and go to check your messages. Nothing from her since early last night which was kind of unexpected, but she said she would be busy. Click in her message to say good morning. 

"You can't respond to this conversation because this person has deactivated their account, you've blocked them, they've blocked you, or they are on a timeout." IYKYK

No message, no explanation, just nothing. And despite your logical fucking brain, there is a little part that says, "Well maybe she got reported by some ass hat that she told go fuck off." But you also know that's likely not the truth. 

I would rather have someone tell me to fuck off to my face and tell me why than have someone ghost and be left to wonder. If you've ever ghosted anyone in a situation like this, FUCK YOU. 

That is all.

Im starting to think these two things are as rare as shoulds and mights. Rumored to be true and people swear that they have witnessed them but I've never seen one.

Am I the odd one out here? Am I the only one that has a days worth of great conversation only to be met with silence afterwards? Not so much as an excuse, just crickets. If people are only looking for a one time casual convo or whatever why is it so hard for them to say that when asked?

I dunno, maybe I'm just doing it wrong. That's probably it right?

Or is it all in vein and just a giant waste of time and energy? I'm more and more inclined to believe the latter.

Clean, dirty, upside down or sideways, tell me something funny.

If you're too shy feel free to send via DM.

I could use a few laughs today and I'm sure other people could too.