9 months ago. March 25, 2024 at 10:32 PM
Clean, dirty, upside down or sideways, tell me something funny.
If you're too shy feel free to send via DM.
I could use a few laughs today and I'm sure other people could too.
Online now
CtAndy's Random Thoughts and Writings
Here is a collection of my various writings. They range from the erotic to the philosophical. I have a variety of writings on other platforms that I will be transferring over here in the near future.Fair warning, my erotic writing isn't necessarily to everyone's taste so if you don't appreciate it please feel free to scroll on by. I am always happy to receive constructive criticism and engage in intelligent and productive conversation, but I'm not interested in fighting with random people on the internet. Please take any such sentiment elsewhere.
I do hope that those that do indulge in my writings do enjoy them and just maybe one of them might open up your mind to something new.
LongerJohnny(dom male){B&C}
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Thank you Bunnie. I read that 5 minutes ago and I'm still laughing. That is such a dumb joke that I just can't stop laughing! I am SO going to start telling everybody 🤣
9 months ago
TreasureMe(sub female){Taken}
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Q: What's worse than having ants in your pants?
A: Uncles!
A: Uncles!
9 months ago
jamz(switch male)
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I read that a cafe in London is now selling an £8 cup of coffee.
You'll find hints of apricot, pineapple, kiwi, and lime inside the cup.
Outside the cup you'll find a cunt who spends eight quid on coffee.
You'll find hints of apricot, pineapple, kiwi, and lime inside the cup.
Outside the cup you'll find a cunt who spends eight quid on coffee.
9 months ago
jamz(switch male)
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After my prostate exam, the doctor left. Then the nurse came.
At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: "Who the fuck was that?"
At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: "Who the fuck was that?"
9 months ago
Susie Q{Daddy Ant}
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A fish is swimming in a river when it sees a fly above. The fish thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches I could jump up and have some lunch."
Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish and the fly and thinks to itself "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water and I can stick my paw out, catch the fish, and I could have some lunch."
Up a ways on an elevated bluff sits a hunter. This hunter sees the fly, the fish, and the bear and thinks to himself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving me a clear shot, and I could have some lunch"
In the bushes next to the hunter sits a field mouse. The mouse sees the fly, the fish, the bear, and the hunter and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich, and I could have some lunch"
Well up just a bit higher from the hunter and a mouse sits a mountain lion. Now the mountain lion sees the fly, the fish, the bear, the hunter, and the mouse and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich and the mouse will jump out the bushes allowing me to pounce on it, and I could have some lunch"
Sure enough the fly drops six inches at which point the fish jumps up to catch the fly, the bear steps forward to catch the fish, the hunter drops his sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse jumps out of the bushes to eat the sandwich, and the mountain lion jumps off its perch to eat the mouse. Except the mountain lion misses and goes tumbling down the hill into the river.
The moral of this story is: Every time a fly drops six inches a pussy is bound to get wet.
A fish is swimming in a river when it sees a fly above. The fish thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches I could jump up and have some lunch."
Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish and the fly and thinks to itself "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water and I can stick my paw out, catch the fish, and I could have some lunch."
Up a ways on an elevated bluff sits a hunter. This hunter sees the fly, the fish, and the bear and thinks to himself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving me a clear shot, and I could have some lunch"
In the bushes next to the hunter sits a field mouse. The mouse sees the fly, the fish, the bear, and the hunter and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich, and I could have some lunch"
Well up just a bit higher from the hunter and a mouse sits a mountain lion. Now the mountain lion sees the fly, the fish, the bear, the hunter, and the mouse and thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches, that fish will jump out of the water, that bear will stick it's paw out to catch the fish giving that hunter a clear shot, at which point he'll drop his sandwich and the mouse will jump out the bushes allowing me to pounce on it, and I could have some lunch"
Sure enough the fly drops six inches at which point the fish jumps up to catch the fly, the bear steps forward to catch the fish, the hunter drops his sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse jumps out of the bushes to eat the sandwich, and the mountain lion jumps off its perch to eat the mouse. Except the mountain lion misses and goes tumbling down the hill into the river.
The moral of this story is: Every time a fly drops six inches a pussy is bound to get wet.
9 months ago
aPeepingMom(sub female)
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Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: He saw the snowblower coming his way.
A: He saw the snowblower coming his way.
9 months ago
jamz(switch male)
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I sometimes hate going on holiday.
No-one speaks english and they dont understand you, the culture and religions are just too different to our own, and foreign food never agrees with me.
Ive told the missus, next year we are definately not going to London again.
No-one speaks english and they dont understand you, the culture and religions are just too different to our own, and foreign food never agrees with me.
Ive told the missus, next year we are definately not going to London again.
9 months ago
HeyLittleOne(sub female)
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What do you get when you combine a caterpillar with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie.
A walkie-talkie.
9 months ago
CtAndy(dom male)
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What's the difference between a refrigerator and a butt hole?
A refrigerator doesn't moan or fart when you pull the meat out....
A refrigerator doesn't moan or fart when you pull the meat out....
9 months ago
Xsky(switch female)
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Why does the Easter bunny hide eggs?
He doesn’t want his buddies to know he bangs chickens.
He doesn’t want his buddies to know he bangs chickens.
9 months ago
EnigmaticFire(sub female)
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In 3026 years from now it will either be really really good or really really bad.
Either way its 5050.
Either way its 5050.
8 months ago