Many of us, specifically men, who have more dominant personalities have been told for much of our lives to tone things back, to control ourselves, or to quench the fire. Even more so if you are a man of large stature, then you have to be even more careful, because just being you is scary and intimidating. Main stream society tells us that the things we do or the things we want are wrong or bad and that for us to be right or good we have to heed.
For many men these things prove difficult to navigate throughout life. We are told what women want and how to be "good men" from a perspective that is not our own. That women want a man that is strong and assertive, but not too strong because then that is scary or you're just an asshole. Women want a man that puts his family first and does whatever is needed to make sure that they are taken care of, but not too much because then you are gone too much and don't do enough at home. A man must be open and communicate, but if he does it too much then he is causing unnecessary problems or he is weak. A hundred different ways you could make the same examples, but the issues that many of us experience are much deeper rooted.
From a young age we are taught to suppress our issues and our problems, not how to resolve them. We are told that we have to change to make other people more comfortable, but never offered to have someone else make equal effort for change. We are told that you have to respect someone's boundaries because if you don't you are a monster, but expected to just shrug it off if someone doesn't respect our own. We have to accept other people for who they are, but are not accepted for who we are. You must be openminded and understand, but receive no such courtesy in return. A man must accept and understand a woman's hormones and that when her body is experiencing changes some things arent their fault, but we must ignore our own hormones and needs and urges because those are just toxic masculinity. A man must allow others to go after the things they want, but if he goes after what he wants he is being too forward or aggressive.
A fire burns within all of us. Some burn brighter and hotter than others, but everyone has one. How is a man supposed to manage such a thing if he is never taught to and his whole life is just told to quench the flames? Shouldn't instead we be teaching the new generation how to understand the flames within them? How to manage and work with the flames? A fire is just a fire, and if left unattended can destroy everything around it and in doing so destroy itself. But if you are taught how to tend the fire, to build it, manage it, and mold it, then you can do amazing things with it. When someone understands how the fire works, and how to use it, then the fire can temper steel. When you dont, all you are left with are broken pieces and no understanding as to why.
The fire that burns within us all will always be there. One of the things I like about this community compared to the main stream is that the fire within all of us, no matter how it burns, is more accepted. People have taken the time and put forth the effort to master the fire instead of the fire taking them, and many of those people are happy to share what they have learned along the way.
No one is perfect, we all have our flaws, the best that we can do is continually try to improve upon ourselves to hopefully someday become the best version of us. Embrace your fire and learn to master it, then use it to become the best version of you that you can be.
