What do you do when your lost?
For I am indeed lost. Not in a sense that most would think, but lost in a sense of trying to figure out my place in this world. I want a job I can love and enjoy, but have yet to find it. Maybe its in the fact that I keep going for local jobs in customer service. At times I can find contentment in those jobs, a small amount of happiness knowing I made some ones days a little better, even if only for a moment, but then the anxiety of I don't belong here encroaches and I find myself looking for reasons to leave. It begs the question , am I simply lazy?
Yet, I find that hard to believe in the fact that I hate being at home Idle and without work. I am in college full time. I make good grades, but I am unhappy. Why? I have an amazing fiance, who works hard, and absolutely loves his job. I have kept jobs for a year at most , but never longer. I want to break it down the things that I love.
I love being outdoors in nature, I love photography and art, capturing moments that no one else would be able to enjoy if I didn't show them through my eyes.
I love writing short stories, and poems, I love losing myself in games and a good challenge.
I love listening to peoples stories and helping them to think things through, to show them approaches or different ways of thinking of things that they might not have before, I love helping to solve problems.
I love puzzles, and organization, the satisfied feeling i get from taking a room that has no rhyme or reason and is full of junk, and rearranging it to perfection and beauty.
Yet, none of these are things that lead to possibilities for me. Yes, I have looked into photography and that is in the works, but a long time coming, but I am patient and will get there. I am not patient or skilled enough to sit and write books, and psychology is definitely not for me, as I discovered while pursuing my degree. I don't understand why I am so restless and unsettled and have yet to find my belonging. I am ready, just not there yet. It is frustrating and lately I find myself turning to Dad( aka GOD) more and more often than not asking for his guidance and wisdom in this. I should be thanking him for the many blessings he has given me through out my life instead of fussing and asking, but he is the one I go to in all things. For now I guess I am simply a lost lamb waiting for the Shepard to guide me home.