My Castle Vault

Part of a my series... Dreams in my mind.  

You take me by the hands, slowly turning me to face away from You. Damn but i am so nervous, but i so very much want to see where this is leading me. i close my eyes, that's a natural state for me i suppose, can't help it. i can trust my other senses much more than my sight anyhow... but, don't damn blindfold me, it's different ya know, having the choice to see taken forcibly away... no way in hell. i can feel You stand behind me, sliding up to press Your body close to mine. Your clothing brushes against my skin, i like the feel, but the stark reminder that You have all of yours on, and i have none of mine... it's humiliating in a way, not in a bad way mind You, but in a way none the less. Lost in that thought, i can barely focus on what You are doing behind me. A sharp shiver courses through my body, and i let out a soft whimper as i realize exactly what the hell You are about to do. Nuh uh, no.. not that. Foreshadowing thoughts again.... A blindfold will crush me ... in all the ways that You want.

So, now. Here i am. Standing before You wearing nothing but a collar and blindfold, my ass bruised dark purple, and feeling significantly damn helpless. i'm struggling with this thought, with this situation, and the struggle is about to get so much worse... better? .... worse. The gag catches me fully off guard. This is entirely not fair. Oh i wish i was brave enough (or stupid enough) to put forth some sort of resistance to this... You are going to make me lose my damned mind. But... i need... i need to see this through... no i need to feel this through.

Your touch is gentle on my skin, slowly guiding my arms behind my back. i feel so exposed, i can sense You circling about me, looking me over... appraising me. More humiliation, i shift my weight nervously, i don't know if i can handle this. Apparently You think i can, but You don't leave me to wait for long. The chair groans softly as You settle back down into it behind me. There is a brief silence, before i can hear a zipper unzipping. i feel Your hands on my hips, You guide me backwards, down onto Your lap. Slowly.... frustratingly slowly You bring me down onto Your cock. i try to push down, and rush the process, but Your grip on me prevents the desperate attempt to fill myself up with all of You. i whine loudly around the gag, then begin to whimper. Damn but You feel so good, and You are not letting me move, .... holding me so close to You.

Your hands drift my body, squeezing my breasts, teasing my nipples, only so briefly though, as every time i try to move, You stop me. One of Your hands settles around my throat, not tightly, but firmly. Fuck.... Your other hand comes to rest on my tummy, pressing me so close to You. That doesn't last long either. You know exactly what You are doing to me, even if it takes me a moment too long to figure it out on my own. By the time i do realize that You have begun to move Your hand down, and what You intend to do with that hand... it's too late.... You begin to gently rub my clit in little rhythmic circles... Yeah, i lose it, hard, and cum a right mess in Your lap. i hear Your whispered words in my ear, and i cum for You again.

You don't stop....

Your words in my ear, Your fingers on my clit... it doesn't stop....

i writhe and squirm on Your cock. i beg and plead uselessly behind the gag, and i cum more.. and more. i am a mindless mess. i have no idea what i am begging for.... It's too much... it isn't nearly enough...

All i can do is take it until You decide that i really cannot take it anymore. i lose track of how many times i have cum for You. The sensations don't stop, Your words in my ear, in my mind... i don't think i can take any more of this... It all feels too good. It's too much. But still, You don't stop... You know i can take it, even if i don't think i can.

i let out a shrill scream as the world explodes into a shimmer of silver sparks. my body snaps tightly, back arching sharply, every muscle in my body contracting and convulsing, shuddering with the flood my cunt pours out around You.

my world goes black. my Oblivion given to me. Nothing but Silence, Peace, and You.

Do you see me there, in the recesses of Your mind?
When You realize that you have let me in
What sort of Dark and lovely secrets will i find?
Will You see me there I wonder, deep within.

i crave Your touch more than you will ever begin to know
Your hand wrapped about my throat closing tightly
Choking out every thought of any will of my own
But, You are open too, my will seeps into you ever so slightly

So, i am going to sit here and try something new.  A weekly review, maybe i'll figure out some goals... and maybe just a post to say i made it through another week.

So, my eating has gotten a lot better this week.  i am really happy with my progress.  Water is iffy, i have been good five of the last seven days, which is some major progress, but still feels like a failure, due to backsliding bad yesterday and today.  But, today isn't quite over yet, so who knows.

i have done a lot of introspection this week, and learned some things about myself that i had not realized before.   One of those things is the underlying reason that i changed out my status from switch to submissive.  Every time i give into my Domme side, i have very bad Dom drop after.  i don't know if i really want advice or tips how to avoid that yet, but just knowing the reason is a step i needed to take to move forward.  i may never explore it again, it was never necessary for my happiness in the first place.  i have always been a submissive first and foremost, and i think i am rather happy to not have the expectations be they good or not of a switch anymore.  i grew and changed.  my needs and wants have grown and changed.

Music for the week... various rock tunes.

Here's to high hopes for the next week. <3

You never know if a woman needs a snack or a spanking.  So you should always approach her with food in one hand and a belt in the other, and see which one she smiles at first.

i needed that smile, and i hope it makes someone else smile too <3

i want to be wanted

i want to be seen

i want to be valid

i want somewhere to lean

i want to be found

i want to be taken

i want to be me

i'm tired of being forsaken

no more fatigue

no more solitude

no more chaos

no more ... 

Candles flicker and glow in the ever stretching darkness of the liminal space around them.  It is in this moment, that the two of them can be seen, a dream broadcasted to the world.  she has long lost herself in her surrender.  All of her senses have become alight with intensity.  Soft, glazed over eyes, flutter closed as His hands graze over her body with skill and grace well practiced.  Every touch is liquid fire to her heated core, whether He is touching her there or not.  All of His touches reach her core, they always have.  Would she be able to think in this moment, she might surmise that His touches always would.  Even with her eyes closed, she sees Him.  Every inch of His body is forever etched into her mind, heart and very soul.  His voice rings in her mind, all the words, whether they be spoken in gentle soothing tones, or growled with animalistic Lust; generate more and more fire within her.  They pulse and vibrate throughout her, on every level of her consciousness.  She inhales sharply, at a soft touch quickly turned rough; the scent of the two of them rushing into her mind in a combination that is so uniquely them.  Candles, and incense of His choice, meld together with Himself, her, and the wafting aroma of their shared Lust in a perfect expression of their Bond. Then, in a solitary moment, that seems to last an eternity..... Oblivion finds her.  A sweet release that feels like dying and being reborn over and over, until bright darkness is all that remains.  The darkness once again laying claim over this liminal space.

I miss running through the woods.  I miss feeling like I could actually run through the woods.  I feel safer in woods that I do not know, than in a city that I do.  

I want to be chased through the woods, caught and... you can fill in the blank there ^.^

Rawr.

Roses are red
My ass should be too
Or speckled with spots
Of the black and blue