I've been feeling so jaded and cynical and that makes me feel guilty. For months now. I'm in my introspective era I guess. I wonder if I'm becoming an introvert. And then I feel like that's a bad word.
I stopped talking to some acquaintances/friends/contacts because I was too drained to go on. I'm probably a pretty bad friend. But I need to put myself first. Or maybe I'm just hiding. Maybe it all depends on the day.
There was even a suicidal friend, well maybe it was just dramatics but I can't deal with it. And it's not my responsibility to deal with it. I'm truly sorry but I can't handle other people's problems on top of my own. That crossed a line and I cut off communication. I'm not anyone's quick fix or remedy. I can't be responsible for others and I don't want to be. Hell, I don't even want my own responsibilities.
I wonder why I'm still here when I rarely speak to anyone at all. I often feel like I don't belong here and I don't have the energy to be here anymore Sometimes it feels like I've lost my voice. But it's my choice. It's a lot of the same old bullshit. There's times that I realize I don't need to explain myself and it's okay if I can't. Sometimes the best response is no response.
I've improved at being cautious of whom I give my time and energy to. I really don't have to save or help anyone. Friendship has to be reciprocal. I am so tired of disingenuous and manipulative people both on here and in day to day life.
I think we may lose power from a snow squall. The lights are flickering. Stay warm. ?