Some helpful tips for new Dominants... Part 4
16. Try to figure out what type of Dominant you want to be and work towards that...
As mentioned previously, there are many types of Dominants. What type you will be will be up to you and only you. You may already know, or it may take you a while to figure it out. But when you find a style that fits, run with it. Endeavor to be the best you can be at your chosen style by learning as much as you can about that particular style, infusing your own mojo along with it. And don’t be afraid to switch gears when you feel like its not working for you. After all, this is your journey and your path. You are the one who is ultimately responsible for it.
17. Switches are not confused...
This is an old adage. Switches are no more confused than bisexuals are. If you can accept the notion of a bisexual person, someone who enjoys playing both sides of the field, you can accept the notion of a switch. You may not understand, you may not get it, or you may not be comfortable with the notion of a switch. But honestly, who cares? If you’re not going to be a switch yourself, then it should not bother you. But whether you understand them or not, switches are a part of our community. And their role should be respected just as much as you want yours respected.
Just remember the golden rule, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.
And the golden rule in the BDSM world.
Your kink may not be my kink, but it's still okay
18. Never trust a big butt and a smile (or tits or cock)...
Since the dawn of civilization, a pretty or handsome face has been the downfall of many people. Don’t be one of them. Sure it’s easy to find someone so physically attractive that's all you see. But remember, people are more than their physical appearance. Just because you like big tits it does not mean that singular physical attribute should be the primary motivating factor determining If you want a relationship with someone or not. Because remember eventually. Whatever physical attribute you currently are so completely enamored with will just fade away.. then what are you left with? Hopefully something. But speaking from experience, it is a far better practice to find someone that you enjoy talking to and spending quality time with. Somebody who doesn't get on your nerves and is on the same level as you are intellectually. Those sort of things are what make a relationship stand the test of time. But once you have those things and are with the person in a relationship, it is absolutely a happy bonus if they actually do have the big tits or cock of your dreams.
19. Not everyone has to submit to you...
You are not everyone’s Dominant. Not everyone has to call you Sir or Ma’am or bow down and kiss your ring (or boots). That type of deference comes with experience and proving yourself. You only deserve it, if you have first properly earned it. Just because you see yourself as a Dominant, doesn’t mean everyone else will, or even should. Treat submissives in a manner that shows you have respect and consideration. Don’t allow yourself to get Domlier-than-thou and think you can run rough shod over anyone else. Others have a choice and they have the right to exercise that choice.
You cannot make a decision for someone else that you are not in a relationship with.
And you can only make a decision for someone else that you are in a relationship with, if they allow you that privilege.
Remember submission is a gift. And in my opinion, it is the single greatest gift one human being can bestow upon another. If that is always in the forefront of your mind and you treat it as such, that will single-handedly eliminate a vast majority of the potential issues that can arise from your sub.
20. Never stop learning
No matter how much you learn, or how many people you talk to or how many classes or demos you attend, you will never stop being able to learn something else. There are many nuances and subtleties to this lifestyle that will take a lifetime to master and incorporate properly. Everything cannot be learned in a few months or years. Always be open to learning something new, & from someone new.
Always be open to the fact that someone can teach you something new. The more you learn, the better you will be. Even if you have been involved for 30 years, there will still be something for you to learn and grow from.
I truly cannot stress this one enough, I've been involved in this lifestyle for quite a while, basically my entire adult life, and yet I still make it a point to learn something new everyday.
Any Dom, who thinks he knows everything, can no longer be taught anything new, and therefore will become obsolete as time passes.
If you're not continually learning and moving forward, you're simply falling behind.
