The Culture that has been here all the time

to getting a woman to help me in general, and be a kinky playmate? I will offer a room and board to a kinky lover if she is willing to be my friend with benefits. My wife is fading more each day, and what was maddening two years ago now is unbearable. I am not cut out to be a lover without a partner. Imagine yourself without an intimate relationship, knowing full well you are not created to be a loner. I keep attempting to adopt a misanthropic personality, but it only makes me feel worse. Even a person with a sweet tooth has limits when staring into a bakery or candy shop.

My apologies, some days are more challenging than others. images pixabay

The end of engaging in sex and enjoying it. My wife has been asexual for several years now, but in the last two weeks her illness has gotten worse. My caregiving is a great challenge. My search for some form of assistance with the help of social workers and doctors has stepped up to the max.

I feel numb from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Even patting my pets offers me limited comfort. I have blogged before when I was in the dark hours, but this time I sense a difference. I sent out an S.O.S to my family and received no response (save one that I am not the only one in the family with this sort of problem).

A couple of scammers who I still get emails from (no, I don't give them money) tell me things will get better (they have been saying that for almost three years). How?

This is a blog on a BDSM website where I have always been able to speak my mind about the sexual implications. I always had a hope "sexual healing" was real, and I would find a lover who was able to heal me: NO. I think it is a myth, like so many other myths.

This time heading for 78 years old in July and beat up, moving my wife around in bed and in and out of a wheelchair, I believe I have run out of energy and optimism - I am a statue made of stone.

Yes, I have experienced several seemingly love at first sight events in my life, but the relationships that worked best? 

The relationships that worked best fall into two categories for me: Case 1. The woman who began as an acquaintance and gradually became a friend, then a lover; Case 2. A woman I didn't like morphed into the situation described above in case 1.

Meeting is another matter. The wondrous romantic experiences I had were great, but the relationship that lasted the longest and produced the best result was almost like an arranged marriage. The arrangement was chance, I suppose: a man and a woman who each experienced romantic hardship with two children each formed a new family of six, and despite challenges, they made it work for the benefit of all.

I have discovered this was a common situation throughout human history, mostly in war-torn communities. The number of historical armed conflicts that  affected  Europe alone is a daunting number to tabulate, see:

(images all pixabay.com)

If you consider all the variations in the way humans look, you may assume their feelings are all different. This may be true in aspects such as culture, nationality even education, but there is one set of basic feelings that will be the same: emotions.

Google AI Overview
The seven widely recognized universal emotions, each associated with distinct facial expressions, are: happiness, surprise, sadness, fright (fear), disgust, contempt, and anger. While some studies identify six basic emotions, like Dr. Paul Ekman's research, the inclusion of contempt expands the list to seven. 

Think of it this way, fill various vessels with water, the vessels all look different but they all contain the same water.

Put any two people together, and they will either repel or attract like two magnets. If the magnets repel, switching the poles causes them to attract.

When two people overlook imperfections and choose to accept each other, just like the magnets above. This is not a compromise or settling for it is a conscious action that forms a solid basis for a lasting relationship.

The cliche that none of us is perfect is valid. The reality? We transform into two beings that accept, modify willingly, and go forward, creating a new life based on who each person is.

This is the path to true happiness.

Yes, it is not easy to navigate life, no matter where you live or who you are. There are always existential challenges, need to coexist and survive. 

Since astute observation of human behavior supports the reality that we are social creatures with a need to belong, be loved, and experience friendship. The bugaboo is to what degree are we willing to compromise self, truth, and justice to achieve acceptance and security?

There are many "games" people engage in to achieve these goals: Charades, masquerades, go along to get along, support hate, invest in suspect ideologies, embed themselves in cult-like religions, but the most incedious is the arena of politics.

"Under every stone is a politician"  from one of Aristophanes' plays.

The worst cruelty I have learned has been perpetrated in the name of religion: Wars, inquisitions, ostracism, and even genocide.

Philosophers have written about the condition of humans and their behaviours, but I believe we fail to teach our children the lessons from the past and the wisdom that exists because we repeat the same mistakes humans have always made, even as of this writing.

I am tempted to conclude there is inherent evil in most, if not all, human beings. Some comic twists in this desire to belong to a group.

Laural and Harty had a short about this too.

The social need is combined with two other human needs: sexual and comfort (security).

When two people engage in close bodily contact, the very first need satisfied is comfort. Warm body contact is like a homecoming, and much of the trials and tribulations of the world around us fade away.

In combination or possibly in isolation, the sexual need is included in the intimate meeting of two people.

I reflect on the origin of life forms that need sexual contact to reproduce. This was the priority. With the evolution of life forms with two sexes for procreation, the comfort and security of establishing relationships followed. It is important because at this point, so much has evolved from this beginning that the simplicity has been overshadowed by culture and tradition.

In my current life, I care for my wife with dementia because I honor my commitment, and I do love her, but she can not offer me comfort and security, nor quench my sexual need. This is not as unique as some people may think.

Google AI Overview
Several animal species exhibit altruistic behaviors, caring for sick or injured individuals within their groups. Examples include primates like chimpanzees who use medicinal plants, and elephants who assist sick calves. Even insects like monarch butterflies have been observed to protect their offspring from infection by laying eggs on anti-parasitic plants. 

This intrinsic behavior contributes to the survival of a species, but I know it has rewards beyond this alone.  Self-worth and accomplishment provide the hormones of feeling well and love:  These include serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin. Nothing can replace this chemical reaction between lovers.

Some cultures openly acknowledge that sex workers are in their nation. Some are purely hypocritical while demonizing, making them illegal even as the elite members of society patronize them, especially in most of the USA. The longer I live, the more I see some pretty big lies denied in many so-called righteous places and by many self-proclaimed righteous people. While most men who use sex workers get a wink and a nod, many women get jailed, fined, and looked down upon.

It seems that in the ancient historical record, the sex workers were there. They fill a human need that has no other option. Men away from wives, wives seriously ill or injured, or unmarried men (including clergy) all have sexual needs. I have visited foreign lands where prostitution is legal, organized, and offers a means of retirement. Yes, even cultures heavily founded by Western religions have progressed to a more realistic position concerning the reality that sex workers exist..

In my younger days, before I married and during military service, I admit I patronized women sex workers - I even became fond of some.

When prostitution is legal, it is safer from a health care point of view, and it is safer for the workers as there are ways to counteract patrons with violent personalities who pose a normal risk in the business. All photos Pixabay.com Road sign, Impera Constacy, Red light districts 1 and 2

Of course, when we are just experiencing the world for the first time, we are almost constantly engaged with something new.

The thrill can be challenging to maintain, and sometimes it has some risk aspects.

The first time I saw the vastness of the ocean, it took my breath away. Even a large body of water like a bay or lake had a thrill about it.  Seeing the wide open spaces of the Midwest, the deserts of the West, and the mountains (especially the European Alps) fixed memories that seem as if they happened only yesterday.

Considering that humans as a whole like some level of exploration (maybe linked to the early days of human survival?), even if it is now a vacation, sheds some insight into relationships with the unknown. Exploration is in our DNA.

The religions I experienced reduce our relationships to forms of monogamy, even though I see much of that is a charade and hypocritical. Yes, a long-term relationship with one other person has many benefits and comforts, yet the yearning for change, variety, and newness often overrules this relationship.

Here in the BDSM world in general, some of the freer aspects of human nature can be experienced, artificial constraints and restrictions dropped in favor of what is normal and real for we humans.

Beyond this blog post is a vast body of information about the variety of and the possibilities of all sexual and platonic relationships between people. Explore web pages and the books that can enlighten you.

Every woman I knew taught me something. There was no room for egotistical arrogance with me. None of them I knew intimately were advanced in science and technology, but they still always offered something new for me to learn. This lesson helped to keep me humble and avoid disrespect for women and their qualities beyond sexual relationships with me.