The Culture that has been here all the time

Long before I learned what BDSM was, what a Dom or a sub was, or a switch was, I had sexually stimulated imagination early in life. I didn't know my interest in sexual excitement and the variations I imagined and fantasized would be termed KINKY. Many lovers and two marriages later, the woman who would be the most exciting lover of my thirties said to me one day, "You are kinky aren't you?" Then, decades later, and a long-term third marriage to a woman who was an unhindered lover, it came to me in an epiphany, she was submissive but also a teacher for me, and the result is I have an even more open mind on sexual behavior.

Dom, Switch or sub matter little to me, what matters most is extending a love-making session and satisfaction for my lover and myself. Like a doctor who has a PRACTICE, learns and gains experience, I would enjoy that concept, if only it were true for me now able to practice. My wife has been neutralized by her brain disorder and she has lost an interest in experimenting with lovemaking as she was for so long, asexual now. The common idiom overused as it is "life is what it is" is a reality for me.

Like a captain who goes down with the ship, he is still the captain, a general that falls in battle, he is still the general, or an investor who loses everything is still an investor, their demise doesn't terminate their designation.

Not sexually active as I am in no way voids the description that I am a kinky lover.

One way to examine this comment is to survey all the climate niches around the world where people have made their homes. Yet a more personal level is recognized when individuals and their lives are examined. You can think about this and come up with examples from your surroundings where you live. I sometimes say, "It seems people, dogs and cats can live just about anywhere."

Take my situation. I come from a family that once was large, but normal expectant life has dwindled the number down. It seemed from my childhood up through mid-life I always had friends and acquaintances. Leaving active musical performances and retirement reduced the number of people in my life even further. In all of these changes, I am sure I still would have made new friends and acquaintances if not for the advent of my wife's serious cognitive disease.

One thing I have experienced is that people, family and friends, included, find dealing with my wife's illness difficult to navigate. Whether not knowing how to react or not knowing how to help or just feeling awkward in her presence, the result is the same: Isolation. There is no cure for Alzheimer's, Dementia, and Aphasia, so cursory visits to doctors only address other health issues as necessary. My wife had early onset, as in the well-known situation with Bruce Willis. From articles I have read, he has people who support and care for him, but as for my wife, she only has me.

We exist in a town where we wound up purely by chance and circumstances. We are "Strangers in a Strange Land."

Since her diagnosis and descent into her disease in the Fall of 2017, I have been her only 24/7 caregiver. I have made errors in judgment that has made things worse for me, but I can say I have grown accustomed to the life I am living. I have adapted, expect little, and just seem to drift aimlessly, not having any expectations of a better life.

Yes, I am still around. My caregiving for my wife increases steadily. I am switching to a healthcare system that recently built and moved into a new facility less than two miles away.

Yesterday and the day before my wife lost the mobility she had and I struggled to move her around. I implemented the wheelchair I had and bought a walker. She uses the wheelchair at the table and tried the walker, but just as I was about to give up on her she regained the limited mobility missing for two days. Periodically dehydration sneaks in and that may have been the cause, I put more effort in fluids and that created the improvement (that was a relief).

I have no one to watch her, so I can not make the long trek to the VA for healthcare, so the Medicare insurance with the nearby facility will have to do. That is for as long as it exists. Even with co-pays. Still making payments on the hospital bill for the stay about IBS. Brat. fiber and a high-quality Probiotic.

No time for much else to report, but on a good day I attend to home administration in the morning and British TV the last two hours of the day before bed.

JIm

Dear Readers, I now know I have lived way too long. Too old to be a rebel voice against tyranny and betrayal. What seemed to begin in the 1960s with movements to benefit people everywhere has now ended. It has ended in an evil vortex intent on undoing the good that was created. It is such a shame so many people have died for the betterment of humanity (especially during the twentieth century), and now it seems like such a waste. I have nothing more to say or add. I hope you all have a good life somehow. I had it for a time, and now it is rapidly disintegrating. James

When can I start a new life? The caregiving for my wife that began in 2017 has weighed me down more day by day. No, I can neither give up on her nor have someone give me a vacation from my caregiving. Without discussing current events in detail, I will only say they have deepened my depression. Nowhere to go. Nothing interested me anymore, so I just had to wait for the inevitable end we all must face one day.

The irony? I loved living and seeing nature and watching the advances in science, especially space exploration. Now? I don't care at all.

Negative news sells, and I no longer read newspapers or watch TV, but seeing updates on the internet is difficult to ignore. That is because the Internet is my last connection with the outside world beyond my home, where I care for my ill wife.

I apologize for being so negative; however, in my 77 years and a half, I have never felt this isolated and alone. I always found a shred of hope on the darkest night.

If you are unhappy with the start of a new relationship, what makes you believe things will change? Blide faith? Do you think you will tolerate what bothers you, or are you convinced your new partner will change? People are not perfect, we know, but how much imperfection is too much? Unconditional love for a family member or even a spouse is one thing; however, it is like playing with a loaded hand weapon if you plunge into it with a stranger. The distinction between Dom and sub and personal abuse is not always clear. This website has guidelines and educational material that can help if you read it and adhere to the wisdom.

Mature couples probably have been through many challenges with relationships. This experience enables them to continue with a current relationship or, navigate within a new relationship. Sex is not a problem. Age tempers us as we age and, like fine wine, mellows us and refines us. If we pay attention to the changes that come with age, our lovemaking doesn't end like many thought in previous generations but can improve dramatically. A slower, more knowledgeable love-making session can and often does reward us with a much better result.

Other factors can be positive if the stresses of everyday life are lessened with a retirement within a well-planned financial budget. Even with some economic challenges, intimacy can still be more than acceptable and yet great.

There is a plethora of quality knowledge online about sex as we age, and anonymity is possible now more than ever.

Sad but True if this is true. The honesty that prevails in humanity is like a wisp of gossamer or wind-blown smoke.

I tried to identify times when truth prevailed in history, and there were about three periods historically. The rest of humanity's history is filled with untruths of various magnitudes.

Adopt cognizance for deception is all around you.

My mistakes can sometimes be corrected. Other times, they can not. Briefly, I had a woman here to help with my wife's care, and she allowed me to go to my appointments. Things didn't go as planned, and I asked her to leave primarily because of things I didn't like. Just two people with different ideas and preferences made things awkward. My mistake was being hasty and not covering all the possibilities beforehand. It's inexperience on my part. The State issued food stamps and healthcare, and she was working on getting paid. Despite my displeasure, she did what she was asked to do. Nothing has worked out since, and it seems she was the best option in retrospect. Things are not well these days. I should have endured for my wife's sake.

I have a simple dream. Once again, I want to have a garden, care for it, and enjoy what it produces: food and flowers. Sit near it and watch the bees and listen to the birds sing. To do this without worrying, that I have a caregiver's job to do (though it is for a positive reason).

To be able to ride through the nearby farmland and forests, rest, and enjoy the views from nearby hills. These rides and visits through the mountains were also some things my wife and I did at one time. We lived along the NJ shore, so we often spent time at beaches with our kids or by ourselves - fishing or walking along the beaches.

Going out to eat once a week.

The pleasure from these activities seems like an extravagance these days. (all images my own).