The Culture that has been here all the time

Dearest Muse,

I, for now, must love you in my imagination. You are with me when I rise and have my morning coffee, let the dog out in the backyard, and feed my cat. Together we survey the calendar and plan our day. We see which chores must be accomplished and whether we have any appointments.

Without warning, you put your arms around me and say, "I love you." I pause and say, "I love you more." We laugh together.

We are grateful and happy to have another day together.

Maybe we'll shop for some fresh food or take a ride through the hills, forest, and farms. We will stop occasionally to talk to animals close enough to the road.

I hold you in my heart and cherish you wherever you are at this very moment.

Love

Andron (image pixabay)

For most of my life, I have been honest to a fault. No, I am human despite my brother's, some of whom think I am an alien. I did smoke pot in my teens, and I drank alcohol starting around fourteen, when I also began smoking cigarettes. I stole some food when my mom was raising me and two of my brothers. I took a tool now and then. What am I trying to say? I am real.

I began to understand as I was aging, and my wife's disease was surely taking her away from me. Not in death long before that. I knew I did not want to end my days alone. I began to look for a woman to love and love me. So here is the real me too.

I still look young for my age. I am active, and my mind is very sharp. My capacity to love a woman has increased with life experience. BUT: I have survived congestive heart failure since 2005 and continue to do so with healthcare. I abstain from alcohol, which affects me negatively in more than one way. I wear hearing aids. My left eye has a cataract beginning to form. I have arthritis here and there, so I use those joints to keep them working, but the most challenging is that I probably need my right hip replaced.  

So if a muse and lover wants me despite all that, you have to take me as I am. pixabay image

Here are Metaphors for a man and a woman who are attracted to one another, not perfectionists, and committed to blending into each other's being. One man, one woman, time, experimenting and forming "a one" entity. Or are these superficial, and what really happens is mysterious and hidden?

1. Cake mix sweet and savory at he same time with nuts and raisins mixed in.

2. A River dark and deep, but the surface barely shows a current.

3. Leaf blowing in the wind.

4. A Garden growing, diverse but harmonious.

5. A steam furnace with high presssue building.

 (last image) I like to believe they are like two souls or spirits and their relationship goes beyond time and place.

All images pixabay.com

" Watson, I need you." "Go ahead, make my day."  "What we have here is a failure to communicate." "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." 

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse".  "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore". "You're gonna need a bigger boat."

"You talkin' to me?" "I'll be back." "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

"I'm walking here!" "What are you doing?" "Nothing." pixabay image

What do you want most to be loved, to be cherished, to be needed, or to be wanted? All? Yes, as many as possible, but maybe one being emphasized at a time?

It amazes me how an attractive woman still arouses me at my age. When most of us were younger, we couldn't imagine the sexuality of people older than sixty (perhaps even younger than that). What a surprise to learn that no matter how old one is, as long as he or she is healthy, they still can have a benefit from having a sex life. But with age comes a balance, yet simple touching goes to the depths of my being. I miss that feeling.

I find a woman has to deliberately discourage a man's admiration by forcing herself to walk so as not to attract him, especially me. And for me, one look into the eyes of some women is like being hit by a bolt of lightning. Maybe I will be this way until my dust returns to the stars. I hope so.

Back in 1968, two songs were especially emotional triggers for me. While riding on the open roads of West Texas and New Mexico, haunting sounds kept me company on the car radio. Now they are echoes of the past.

NO. 1

NO. 2

I had a surprise dream last night. I had friends visit me, we jammed a few old songs, played chess, and I was slightly better than I used to be. After a while, I introduced them to a couple of my favorite BBC TV programs. We did have pizza and drinks, including some cola (a treat since I usually just drink soda or water with lemon). We talked endlessly about the weather. The biggest surprise? They told me they would visit once a week.

One blog reader commented that caring for my wife for years inflicted trauma upon me. All through my care, my counselors and doctors warned that caring most likely would harm me. I didn't want to believe them or just ignored them; anyway, I gave care for my late wife with little regard for "me".

Seeing doctors one by one since she passed the tally of negative effects is beginning to form a picture. With my stubborn attitude and modern healthcare, I will heal and go on living. That is my mindset.

Humanity, past, present, and future, has reacted this way and must; it is in our genes.

I will love once more. It may not look like my love in the past, but it will be deep, and I will commit and care.

I have plenty of artwork plans, and I will keep playing my guitar and singing old songs (my cat loves it; he snuggles behind me as I play and sing, and my dog relaxes). That is a form of love I need.

Second Nude Painting: mixed media.   NOT FOR SALE.

I intended to post this in the morning, but I am hoping when I wake, I will be more optimistic than when I got up this morning. One nostalgic day a week is enough. Some Days I miss her more than others. I selected some photos of her face to use as a model in order to paint an image of her. She always called me Daddy, and when I read blogs on this site in which subs refer to their Dom as Daddy, it can sadden me. There is a hole in my heart and my life.

watercolor painting of mine.