The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

I feel I must tell you about my BIG cat Sunny Day. That is the name the Animal Shelter had for him. He was four years old when we got him. We have had him for four years now. He has been the most loving cat we have ever had. Most nights, he sleeps on my wife's shoulders and becomes a living collar. When the "wee" hours of the morning arrive he tries to wake me and coax me into giving him and early breakfast. That happened several times until I finally decided it was time for me to get up.

He led the way down the stairs to the kitchen, purring and rubbing my leg. He makes sounds like no other cat we have had, and I think he is talking in some language. First, I check the water, then give him dry food. After he crunches for a bit he come back to speak to me. He jumps on my lap and kisses me like a dog if I sit at the table. He comes running if he is in another room, and I call him by name. 

His reward? A can of choice cat food sometimes I give him some of my sardines.

Hello Friends,

Some days I wake up, and it is quiet. Then I start to think too much. I realize the circumstances I am living within and wonder how I got here. I know once my day of caregiving begins I won't have the luxury to think about many things engage and do what needs to be done. It is during moments like these I miss having a close companion. It seems none of the various plans have solved my problem. I even wonder if there is an actual solution.

When my wife and I were married thirty-nine years ago, we were recovering from a divorce and were single parents, each with a daughter and a son. We proceeded to create a blended family, and when we had time for ourselves, some echoes of our past emerged more for me than she. My lingering emotional damage from my second wife was a source of trouble until several years passed. So today as my wife is afflicted with her brain disease robbing us of our relationship I have questions about my future.

Is it right to meet a new woman and ask her to be my companion as this slow mourning of my loss continues? Could she and I have a companionship at all? Is it just feeling lonely enough of a reason to seek a companion? I have no answers only questions and only the void I dwell within when quiet time greets me.

Hello Friends,

We are more Normal and Happier than mainstream couples seem to be. It is a set of Myths that distorts reality.

From: 5 BDSM Myths Your Average Health Professional Actually BELIEVES By Miya Yamanouchi — Written on Apr 18, 2017

1. People who are into BDSM are disturbed, mentally unstable, or have a personality disorder.

WRONG! Science says kinksters are in better psychological shape than the general population. Research indicates that BDSM is actually associated with BETTER mental health, with people into kinky sex having a more favorable psychological makeup than non-BDSM practitioners. 

2. BDSM is a destructive and unhealthy relationship dynamic based on abuse.

WRONG! BDSM is all about safety, sanity, and consent (aka the mantra for BDSM). The cycle of domestic violence is: Abuse — Guilt — Excuses — Honeymoon — Planning — Setup — Abuse. The cycle of BDSM is: Communication — Agreement — Scene-play — Aftercare — Debrief — Communication.

3. Anyone who wants to inflict/receive pain or be controlled/dominated must have come from a broken home.

WRONG! Research shows BDSM practitioners had just as good an upbringing as anyone else! Research consistently shows that BDSM isn't some pathological alarm bell sounding a past history of physical and or sexual abuse, but merely a sexual inclination to gravitate towards alternative and novelty sexual behaviors outside the norm.

4. People who are into weird sex are deeply miserable on the inside.

WRONG! Science tells us people into BDSM are actually happier. A 2015 study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that both dominant and submissive BDSM practitioners reported that their chosen forms of alternative sexual practices gave them: sexual arousal and pleasure, novelty, enjoyment, personal growth, psychological release, enhanced romantic relationships, and a feeling of being free from their everyday roles and being able to be themselves.

5. Adults who talk or act like a baby is imitating pedophilia and is of questionable mental capacity.

WRONG! Research indicates baby talk shows stronger intimate bonds in relationships and acting like a baby has nothing to do with pedophilia or an attraction to children. A report by Bombar and Littig published in 2005 found that couples who indulged in baby talking were more secure and less avoidant in their relationship as baby talking promotes emotional bonding as well as the expressing and nurturing of intimate and deep psychological bonds between lovers.

LINK:

Hello Friends,

All my genes totaled from four primary sources, placing my origin squarely in Eastern Central Europe. Why do I believe this is important? I reviewed the history of this region and discovered it is a history of War.¹   Wars and conflict leave physical and human destruction. Since I exist, it seems logical that my ancestors coped with this challenge and possibly thrived.

The war destroys your village, and many inhabitants are killed. The survivors look around and gather into groups. Probably reforming family units from the fragmented families shattered by the warring factions. These were the people who passed on their genes. After centuries of this, the people who exist today have benefited from Wiley, Survivable, and Adaptive characteristics.

So, I am subject to and have been subjected to many challenges my whole life. I know I will survive and adapt to whatever changes. have and will exert pressure on me.

¹

Hello Friends,

Recently, our oldest grandson returned from California and boasted about how he would help us. That offer faltered quickly and I do not hold that against him he has had a struggle to find his way in this world. 

He had a list of things he would help me with, but a job opportunity changed that. What he tried to do ist patch a rift between his uncle and I who has not visited his mom since 2022 and blasted me with profanity and a wish that I would die alone. He has made no attempt to reconcile that, and I have enough challenges already and do not want to rehash all that. 

In the country song (Collin Raye - Little Rock ), a sentiment is expressed when an alcoholic son-in-law abused a father's daughter:

" . . . . I don't know why I held it all inside
You must've thought I never even tried
You know your daddy told me when I left
Jesus would forgive, but a daddy don't forget . . . "

Yes I can forgive but the insults and profanity was uncalled for because some one assume I was rich and would share money with him instead of using it to care for my wife. So I can forgive but on the streets of NYC as a teen I learned not to give an offender another chance to abuse you.

Besides, the stepson has made no effort to correct this or visit his mom and I never would prevent him from visiting her.

Hello Friends,

Many of you know I am my wife's only caregiver. Her Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia has been a relentless effort to deal with. I don't want to not care for her but I could use some help especially som time off to recharge after about three brutal years. I applied for financial assistance because we fall between government help and out-of-pocket care. I received word today that we were denied the extra help. So it is business as usual. the job goes on. Counseling, share groups anti-anxiety meds and antidepressants are what I depend on still.

Hello Friends,

You probably are saying, "We know all about kinks." This website has a lot to offer on understanding and using kinks safely. This is about my view and how I came to understand myself.

I have mentioned that my wife, who a brain disease has afflicted, was a sub and also introduced me to more about my kinky side hitherto not recognized by me. We have been married 39 years, and just before we got married (in between wife number two and my current wife), I had a wild girlfriend who was herself kinky, and she told me I was kinky. What did that mean?

A kink is an act performed in conjunction with or before a sexual act that enhances the sex act itself.

My girlfriend told me that my giving her oral sex was the trigger that excited me, and it must have excited her, too. I also explored her body, looking for areas that aroused her. She liked dressing in sexy lingerie with snaps that kept a flap closed over her nipples and her crotch. She would call me with the words, "Are you busy?" A clear signal she was horney. On a ride, I would pull over to look at the autumn leaves in full color. We immediately began to play with our genitals, ignoring other cars as they passed. Even in a park with people walking around seemed to excite her. I suppose because I went along with this behavior, we were being kinky. Well, we broke up for unrelated reasons. I now know my first two marriages were tame, except for the spontaneity of having sex on many occasions, nothing like that.

I met my current wife, a devout Christian, and she first said, "What we do in private is our business as long as no one gets hurt."  So I saw a photo of her dressed like a cowgirl on a bed and caught her watching porn. She told me men resisted having their anus played with. I discovered she liked beads and other objects to play with. I found she liked rimming and welcomed my tongue in its search for erogenous zones. If she had not become severely afflicted by dementia, we probably would have continued to explore things that aroused us.

This dry spell has given me a chance to read and explore. That is how I wound up in BDSM, M/S, but it is still from theory, not having the chance yet to practice what I have learned or my willingness to learn.

P.S. I forgot my wife called me Daddy (I didn't think much about that before).

Hello Friends,

If I could enjoy something that I would call fun these days, what would it be? I have many interests that I once could engage with but, as a full-time caregiver, find difficult or impossible. Artwork (painting), gardening, geology (mineral collecting including crystals for jewels), country rides, stopping at road stands, going out to eat, attending festivals, and participating (musically) in festivals. Songwriting, playing instruments, recording engineer, producer, and proprietor of an independent record/publishing company: I can work with this category somewhat, along with caregiving.

Completely abandoned going to the beach, fishing, and swimming.  My wife can not stay put in a restaurant, so that is out, too. There is a category that I would not call fun, but I do gain some satisfaction by accomplishing it. tasks within it. 

 I do gain some satisfaction with housework, like cleaning and decorating. House repairs like electrical repairs and plumbing. Small appliance repair. Landscaping and yard work

Once my caregiving day is over, I can watch some television programs, shows, and movies.

So you see, my friends, I do not need to do something described as fun. All I need is to be satisfied with being useful (and avoid the traps set for me online).

Hello Friends,

Not having relatives or friends nearby and in a town I never lived in and never belonged to anything here has made my days harder than they should have been. The blog is like having an imaginary friend sitting across the table from me. I share the moods as they come and go. I Apologize to those who have strong empathy and feel helpless because there is only so much that be exchanged in this way. I can say that being able to express myself and getting some of you to respond is as close as I can get to having a person here to talk to. Even my doctors and counselors are via video appointments. So, living partially in a natural (all too real) world and partially in a virtual world is more than some people on this planet have. Thanks. And I know our real family and friends let us down, but many people, especially the Veterans Administration, have become my family.  Thanks Again

Hello Friends,

Like swimming, driving, or riding a bicycle, we do not forget how to have sex, but the longer we go without it, we forget how to make love. Why do I say this? Making love is about knowing your partner intimately, which takes time, communication, practice, and TRUST.

In my position to keep what I may be losing for this three-year dry spell and not having a partner to get to know and trust, all I can do is fantasize (not in a trivial sense, more akin to the Pcyhocybernetics that I wrote about in a previous post).

Aging is another factor working against me. It is an invisible enemy that creeps into me while I remain unaware of its effects. In the song Suicide is Painless (a fav the MASH theme) Johnny Mandel (music) and Michael Altman  (at 14 years old in five minutes)(lyrics)

" . . . The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin . . . "

No, I won't give up without a fight, but we don't live forever, do we?

I am 76

"I asked my doctors why so many people die at my age 76? They al lsaid, "That is normal". So why am I still alive and would rather be dead instead of so stressed as a sole caregiver with out a single bit of a damn social life. Do not dare ask me what I do for fun that word is not in my vocabulary"