I am still consumed by my caregiving for my wife, but she is either in a wheelchair or on the sofa bed. Wake her, prepare food, feed her, change her, and get her back on the sofa bed. Endless cycle that I keep doing because I love her. I can not tell if she loves me or not, however.
Seeking help can be overwhelming, and changes to healthcare in this country make it even more complicated. Even my Veterans' Benefits seem to be under threat, so when the time comes, I do not believe there is any hope for my old-age care.
I will be 78 in two weeks. Who wants an old man on their hands anyway?
Believe it or not, I am still able to care for my wife, our home, and our cat and dog, but joy has all but ebbed away completely.
Having kinky desires and a strong libido is a curse since I do not have any chance for a social life. No soothing touch. No warm embrace. No sexual release or satisfaction. (To masturbate is a hollow shadow for real intimacy I hate it)
I like the dialogue in the British TV shows that I watch over and over, when a character goes out looking for something and returns, and when asked, did he or she have success, and they respond, "No joy" when they return without success. pixabay.com
