I have never been in a relationship where negative thinking, anger, and Jealousy did not occur at some point (we all are human). Sometimes it was due to ignorance a misunderstanding or a deliberate act as a reprisal because your partner assumed something and so you are off on a wild ride.
My mistress of 7 years (in the 70s) assumed a new singer in my band was getting my attention and I was either having an affair or close to beginning one with her. It was nowhere close to the truth the singer was the mistress of my lead guitarist. How did she get it so wrong? It was my band I was the lead singer I had many people want to get into the band and often expressed eagerness to do anything for an opportunity. My mistress and I never talked much on an intimate level and she was good at hiding negative things. She was hurt, angry, and jealous all based on bad information. Eventually, it came to light when her best friend told me what she was thinking. I was able to end the problem by convincing her of the truth: I had no interest in the woman for several reasons that I will leave out here. In our subculture things can arise and surprise us before we know what is going on. Here is an excellent excerpt from real real-life story:
"Sooooo I am a newbie to BDSM and casual play/sex and while I've had a small handful of good experiences so far, I'm a little worried of my own green-eyed monster rearing its head. Main reason I ask: I met someone recently who I enjoy play/sex with, and since he is unattached and very affectionate towards me (and I find him very attractive) I'm starting to get date-y feelings toward him. He compliments me in a date-y way, too, i've spent the night, and he has once (on our 2nd of 2 play dates) suggested we hang out in a non-play setting too, but I'm not sure what to make of this or if I'm reading into it. I'm afraid to bring up any deeper discussion because I feel... uptight? demanding? like I'll freak him out by being not-casual? if I do." FROM Ask Meta FilterHow to manage feelings in BDSM/casual sex relaionships?
October 4, 2009 4:55 PM
The cure for misunderstandings or even defusing an unintended intrusion of emotions toward another here is talking about it before it starts a fire.