Hello Friends,
My life has been far from carefree, and now I see I have also been careless. Recent thoughts about myself center on the negatives—negatives that are not life-threatening but nevertheless negative. I am not good company, and I can only claim to be a marginal friend to anyone who gets close enough to notice. I will be 77 in July, which isn't very far from 80 years old. My family reaching the 90s has been the norm, but if there isn't a reason to live that long, why bother is my thought. Once, I had so much enthusiasm to do, see, and learn so many things, but now I don't care much about that or those things. As a scientist, technocrat, artist, writer, and independent recording artist, I seem fruitless and shallow to me now. Estranged from my children and isolated from people with few exceptions indicates I have a terrible character, and others see it. What is worse? I don't care enough to desire change.
Yes, I have a negative taste in my mouth, and I expect it will grow until it overwhelms me, and I will choose to fade from all social interaction very, very soon. All together.