Hello Friends,
When I gaze into a mirror, I see a man living through one big mistake after another all his life. How did I make it this far? Some say someone was praying for me. Some say ignorant bliss. Some say blind luck.
No one says I knew what I was doing with this life of mine.
My academic success and my creative success are all accidental or an undeserved gift from the Universe. I claim nothing. And hell, I am not even nice to hang out with. Sure, I was a jolly alcoholic who could become menacing on a dime, but that mainly ended forty years ago and totally for about a decade now.
Most of my ideas about the future were nebulous, incomplete, and inconsistent. I could manage self-discipline, but it was a fragile truce with my demons.
Truth has it? I never really envision a future with any clarity: I stumble from the past through the present and wind up in an unplanned future.
I do interact with people and muster a smile and an odd sense of humor, but I feel most at home alone with my thoughts. My wife was my anchor, and I was her anchor. Now, we are both adrift, and her cognitive disorder ends my chance to have any happiness in the future (if I even get there).
