Andron{NO}

The Culture that has been here all the time

When I studied to acquire my Master's status I discovered the M/S relationship existed probably for all the history of humans. Religion and Western Culture distort this greatly. Using codes and euphemisms even denial masks it presents the fact many people thrive within this often unrecognized subculture. For example, my wife had all the earmarks of a pleasure slave and was generally devoted and submissive to me. In times of marriage friction, I often heard the words from a counselor, "She just wants you to love her" "Love her" I thought I was and did now I know without a doubt I need to be a master, not some preconceived idea we are to live as equals.

Sometimes I have a Thick Head

4 months ago. June 4, 2024 at 2:36 PM

Hello Friends,

It has taken a year and a half and a slew of mistakes for me to "get it": Being the primary caregiver for my wife with her cognitive issues and no clear prognosis means I should not worry about the lack of a social life. I can not go out on a date; I cannot truly afford it, and it isn't right to ask a woman to enter into even the most casual relationship with me.

Having to hire an aide on occasion for an appointment I may have is costly enough without adding the expense of a social outing, too.

I just took the dogs out and managed to unrole the wire fence I am installing so I can let them out without leaving my wife for but a few moments and the day was balmy and pleasant. I will miss the walking (I need it too), but responsibility trumps that.

Many of you applaud my honesty: I am sad.

My wife requires a little more supervision now, so I must be content with some time for a blog and enjoy one or two British television programs at the end of each day. I also enjoy ancient movies, especially horror/science fiction. I did like Longmire, but I let Netflix go as it was not worth keeping it for one program.

Family estrangement has eased a tad, but a visit to cheer my wife is all I expect on occasion.

In the lessons concerning family and friends distancing themselves from a person with Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphashia, I now understand this: 1. it is most likely challenging for them to see the apparent decline; 2. they might want to help me but do not know how and in that situation become frustrated. My experience with share groups revealed the behavior is expected and prevalent. Some family members are in denial.

Yes, it is a new day. I will see what it will bring. Jim

aradialspire(dom femme) - The "right" woman is going to have to accept the reality of you being a caregiver for a partner requiring a high degree of memory care. It's something we all have to come to grips with as we age (I'm teetering on the edge of 40, but I have friends who are much older and are seeing them go through it now.)

I had a parent with dementia, and it is hard being the primary caregiver. Don't be afraid to bring new people around, sometimes they may mistake them for old friends and it can get a little interesting (my mother swore I was a girl she knew from High School towards the end, haha) but it's important for your own sanity not to be isolated.

The familial estrangement is quite hard. Everyone will show up suddenly once your partner is gone, but you may not see them much in the space between. There are many reasons for that, and it's understandable, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. People don't have the bandwidth for it; it's hard.

All the more reason to cultivate those relationships with family where you can, so if you CAN have a night out and family can be with her at home for a few hours one evening, you can take advantage of that <3

I found that when I talked to family, just being frank and telling them that I understood (in my mother's case, not yours) that watching my mom in a living death scenario was not pleasant or easy, but she needed to be seen by others a few times a month. Not interacting with people other than me sped her decline, and it was downright cruel to just "warehouse her" until the inevitable happened.

They didn't have to hang out every day, but maybe once every couple weeks, or just popping by once for 15 minutes a week on their way to and from the store, would make a huge difference. And it really did. Not all of them could do it every week, but even if just one of them came by once a month, all those visits added up.

They're dealing with their grief, but eventually I think people come to terms with it and get over it. The beginning is tough, but you have to point out you can't ignore the problem. She's still here, and she's still a person. Sorry for going off on a tangent here, but I've been through it and I know how difficult it can be. I hope you're able to get them to come by, and I hope you're able to get yourself some company too!

4 months ago

Andron{NO} - Thanks for taking the time to comment.

4 months ago

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