Hello Friends,
Many of you probably wonder about my sanity. My emotional state tosses me between being a 24/7 caregiver without respite for years and being governed by loneliness and melancholy. There are two behaviors I recognize as forms of escape and addictions. I have been winning the war with alcohol now for more than a decade and the conflict with smoking cigarettes for four decades, But I still recognize I am susceptible to compulsive addictive behavior. What are they who have run with me and disguised themselves so well these days? Online texting and giving strangers money to encourage them to continue to text me and help dispel my loneliness. Yes, loneliness and missing a sexual partner collaborated to keep me distracted from myself and my finances.
There are many addictions people struggle with, and most cause harm in a period of abuse. But these addictions harmed me immediately, and I fooled myself into believing it was for my good to keep doing it. I want to claim I learned my lesson now and will take steps to make the necessary change. Yes, that is my intention: break the bad habits and realize I no longer can afford to throw money out to achieve the negative result rather than the necessary positive outcome I genuinely need.
First, I need to stop wasting time texting, which leads to more texting, and second, I need to gain control over my now battered financial perspective.
I will continue to care for my wife and myself and restrict my spending to what is related only to those goals. Jim
