Blog Readers, do you believe we all have to deal with the devil or devils, even if they are hidden in a closet?
Personal devils or existential devils?
That old saying:
Google AI Overview
"The quote "better the devil you know than the devil you don't". It's an idiom that means it's usually better to deal with someone or something you're familiar with, even if you don't like them, than to deal with someone or something new that could be worse."
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Me? I have many positive accomplishments in life to feel at ease about (many more not-so-good); however, having been raised by a family that believes in an all-knowing God that punishes sin had left scars within me, especially when it came to matters of sexuality. If I used scissors on Sunday, that was a sin. LOL.
Even now, at seventy-seven, thoughts of sex are always close at hand (libido alive and well). Even in a long drought without the enjoyment of sex, it lives within me. Ironically, doctors say sex is part of normal life and contributes to our feeling of well-being.
For example, everything could be going well. I'm calm and content, and then I see a woman that I am attracted to, and my mind becomes occupied with fantasies and longing. I don't know how I made it through a forty-year marriage without cheating.
Now, these days, my wife's cognitive issues have left her uninterested in sex. I thought she would be upset and jealous if a woman visited me and we spent time together, but as it turned out, my wife is highly disturbed if I watch too much television, and she ignored the visiting woman (one brief example). She spent more effort standing before the television, even if I was the only one watching. My wife will interact playfully with a visitor and seems happy with that.
Perhaps she grows tired of only me, a male caregiver, spending so much time with her doing my nurse-like job.
So, it seems that my deamons pound at my head and heart and can not allow me to enjoy healthy kinky sex anymore. Is this my end?