The Culture that has been here all the time

I may have been quiet and even absent, but I have been working hard on resuming my artwork. Though I made my living with science and technology and some music, I always had art in my life. I have sold paintings, been in exhibitions, and gifted some of my work. Having been more of an avocation, my records of where my artwork is are sparse. I have reenergized my artistic side.

I gathered as many of my paintings as I could from storage, reviewed what I had studied, and revised my intentions. I have now included figure paintings and have a major Titian study underway (in his style and colors of his time). One project is close to being done (7 paintings): a tribute to past industrial America titled "The Rust Belt."

Upon review and watching YouTube artists, I discovered the Casein¹ medium. Somehow, I had not tried using it in the past. I am now equiped to work with the colors.

^{1 Casein artist paint is a fast-drying, aqueous, and highly durable medium that uses a milk-based protein binder. It is considered one of the oldest painting media, with a history dating back to ancient Egyptian times, and is revered for its ability to produce a matte, velvety finish. [1, 2, 3, 4]}

^{My dog also likes it when I practice guitar and sing}

I did this drawing with colored pencils.

One blog reader commented that caring for my wife for years inflicted trauma upon me. All through my care, my counselors and doctors warned that caring most likely would harm me. I didn't want to believe them or just ignored them; anyway, I gave care for my late wife with little regard for "me".

Seeing doctors one by one since she passed the tally of negative effects is beginning to form a picture. With my stubborn attitude and modern healthcare, I will heal and go on living. That is my mindset.

Humanity, past, present, and future, has reacted this way and must; it is in our genes.

I will love once more. It may not look like my love in the past, but it will be deep, and I will commit and care.

I have plenty of artwork plans, and I will keep playing my guitar and singing old songs (my cat loves it; he snuggles behind me as I play and sing, and my dog relaxes). That is a form of love I need.

Second Nude Painting: mixed media.   NOT FOR SALE.

watercolor painting of mine.

Not entirely the first, but the first in this type of pose in the past, very partial poses only. Oh, I forgot to sign it. Watercolor and watercolor pencil.

I got into QoR watercolors for two reasons: 1) I can't locate my good watercolors, and 2) The hype around CoR (from Blick/Golden) sold me. Not the most expensive, but definitely not inexpensive. Using gouache and watercolor pencils with watercolors is new to me. I was predominantly a landscape artist and did some surreal work as well, mostly in acrylics and then oils; now I am putting all my efforts into figure and face work, especially nude work. I am not afraid to make mistakes and admit it: I trashed my first full nude from her back because I made some awful painting mistakes and ruined it.

Moving on. I am so happy that Pixabay.com has pre-approved models with release forms on file, so my lack of having a muse and live models is not a complete hindrance.

Sometimes, when I paint a woman, I vicariously fall in love with her.

PS I will also do other subjects, landscape, flowers, even surreal art when the mood strikes me.

I cast out my net and thought I would find a kinky artistic muse. I keep tossing the net out, but it returns empty. I think I must find the right crystals, incense, and chants to bring her to me. Any suggestions on which of these to choose?

I updated my Morning Post. Now, I am one step closer to being a working artist once more. I have my business cards and am about to start a website, but what I need most is a companion muse who is also an artist, so we can encourage one another.

When looking for something fails, it cranks up my anxiety. I can't seem to shake it today. My cat and dog tried, but to no avail. When anxiety flares up at this level, and nothing seems to quench it, it generates the stark picture of a lonely life. A comforting embrace would go a long way, but it is missing, and it's something I can not buy.

A wise black woman I knew a half-century ago often counseled me on my way of thinking. Her simple question was so thought-provoking that I have never forgotten her words, "What does what you are thinking (or believing) have to do with that?" Sometimes she paraphrased it to fit a situation. How she became an impromptu counselor, I do not recall.

The situation was when I was in an emotionally dark place, and the information I had available to me was scarce and often inaccurate, so my mind, being so intensely active, filled all the blanks, and as many of you know from my blog, that is not good because I chose to see things in a negative light.

The missing solution then and now is the same: a warm, comforting embrace. Since I communicate most effectively with human touch, offering and receiving, and I am living in what may be the darkest cave of my life. If only I had just one candle offered to me. images pixabay

UPDATE: I found dozens of my paintings in my self-storage unit. My anxiety dropped very well. I will sleep much better tonight. Also, I will go over my new website notes before I build it; the first step will establish it, and the second step later will offer my artwork for sale again.

Now that I have allowed the artist in me to live once more, I have reawakened so much. The complex mindset, as I love experimenting with different mediums and subjects. Photos are good to the degree they don't move and are consistent and varied (beyond what I have in front of me). But photos lack one important feature: I can't touch and feel the subject.

In my early days, I mostly painted landscapes, seascapes, and abstract ideas. One art teacher explained portrait painting as he did it. He collected photos, made sketches of the actual person in front of him, and explained his thoughts as he planned the final product. His work sold for a price I can only dream of.

Yes, I will experiment, focus on different subjects, try different mediums, but I fear I may never have a companion, a lover, to feel and know intimately again. Now that I am free to paint nudes, ¹ nothing would be better than painting a lover I can embrace and love. Paint her image in different ways and settings. Pixabay images

1 My wife was a sub and sexually free in our bedroom, but chose a religion that frowned on nude paintings. I followed her to church and complied with her attitude, but I knew we both truly didn't see art in a sinful light.