The Culture that has been here all the time

I can't recall ever having as many healthcare appointments in one week as I had this past week. I am glad it is the weekend, as I used to be glad when I worked. Interacting with the staff at my healthcare facilities is cheerful, and I can put on a facade of doing well even when I am not.

My cat was right next to me but did not roust me or hurry me up, so he must be very intelligent, aware that I wanted to sleep an extra fifteen minutes. I pet him, he purred, and head bumped my chin. My Terrier was snoring lightly, so I let her sleep and went down to feed the cat.

What is my agenda today: Perform a cursory scan of news on the internet. Work on some art. Watch another refresher chess game study. Practice guitar and sing several old songs (I haven't worked on my songs for some time now). Select a documentary to watch and a program from the BBC for later.

Haven't had much of an appetite lately, prefer snacks, fast and light. Besides, my dining room and table are currently dominated by artwork and art materials.

The change back to cooler temperatures and a cloudy sky seems to paint a sense of sadness on me this morning, inside and out. (Pixabay image)

So life is morphing in several ways that will make it unrecognizable to many people.

The digital age, with computers and cell phones, was quite a transformation. Now, AI is altering all human activities, and we are probably not fully aware of it. You must have some awareness, of course, unless you live in a sand dune, that is. Oh, quantum computing is about to begin, maybe space colonization, too.

Since I am able to return to my alter egos, I must adjust: My music is already available worldwide, and I used to have a website for my artwork, but let it fade. Now is the right time to reestablish myself as an artist through my artwork using the online platform. I will examine the best way for me and develop a plan soon.

You (if you are a regular blog reader) know me better than anyone has in recent months. I know I am putting behind the hard emotional period caring for my late wife, but I have limited talent in defeating my loneliness and the absence of a loving companion. In this respect, I am a fish on the beach, thrashing around in futility.

I visited one of my VA doctors yesterday, and the visit went well. She is my new psychiatrist and isn't as warm as my last one, who was recently forced into retirement. All is status quo, no changes in meds. I asked if there was a pill to alleviate loneliness. She blew it off as if I were an AI robotic human.

Many of you know I have been anything but happy-go-lucky ^1, and I am afraid it is getting worse. Direct words can mask what's going on inside. I must admit the negative attitude is the most profound I have ever experienced. No mystery, not having nearby friends, family, or a companion; my mind fills with negative words, and, unlike in most of my past life, there is no one here to say things will get better. I only get periodic "cheer up," this will pass if anyone bothers to speak to me at all.

My dog is not too bad, but my cat demands that he help me restring my guitar, though I have told him the strings are not edible. If they could speak to me in English, Polish, Spanish, or even Russian, I would be able to learn about their thoughts. Last week, I learned in my cat language class on YouTube that I have been doing it all wrong. Cats only stare when they are ready to fight. I learned that I am supposed to squint and glance away. I can imagine he thinks I am such a duffas.

Have you ever lost your anchor, drifting on a large body of water, then broken an ore? Then, did you make a sale with a shirt and a windbreaker? I was even rescued by the coast guard twice. What do I do now? Stay on the shore and remain a land lover. This is how my life seems to be now, I must buy an app to make my cell phone a compass and see if that helps me navigate. Pixabay image:

1 Battled clinical depression all my life and was only diagnosed as bipolar about five years ago; eight years as my wife's only full-time caregiver took its toll, too.