Hi there and welcome back!
Today I would like to share with you some thoughts on obedience.
What is obedience? Why would you submit yourself to it? What do you get from it, and what does it mean for your Dom? What if you do not agree with the command you have been given?
I’ll share the ‘answers’ to all of these questions with you. I say ‘answers’ because I think there is not just one good answer. It may differ per person. As always, I invite you to share your thoughts too, just be respectful!
Before we dive into it, I first want to give a small glossary. Again, the definitions might be a bit different for you, but so that you can fully understand what I mean with them when I use them, here is a small overview:
A Dom: someone who controls their sub during their sexual intimacy. Outside of their sexual playtime, there is no power exchange occurring.
A Master: a subclass of Doms. They are full-time slave owners. They control everything about their slave. This goes beyond sexual intimacy and also takes into account domestic control.
A sub: someone who obeys their Dom and tends to their sexual needs. Outside of their sexual playtime, they do not have any power exchange.
A slave: a subclass of submissives. They are full-time submissive, with 24/7 power exchange. They don’t just tend to their Master’s sexual needs, but also fulfill domestic chores.
Of course, all of the above must be consensual! These names say nothing about your gender or preferences. It is just easier to write Master than Master/Mistress/any other name. And you could be a masochist or sadist, rigger or rope bunny, or none of the above. I purely mean the type of power exchange occurring.
Now. Obedience.
Most Doms, if not all, expect this from their submissives. If they give a command, they expect their subs to follow this. If not, punishment will be given and after all will be okay. But why do they want this? Why do we, as the subs, want to do whatever the Dom asks? The short answer is: mutual satisfaction.
Of course there is the initial pleasure. Say you Dom commanded you to give them a blowjob. They love having you suck them off, and maybe you like sucking them as well. So there is some satisfaction. But it goes way deeper than that.
When you follow your Dom’s command, they are pleased with you, from the pleasure you give to the willingness to make them happy that way. And never underestimate how much it pleases a Dom to see you happy with making them feel good. They absolutely love it!
And isn’t that what we live for? Seeing a big smile on your Dom’s face, hearing their words of affirmation towards you? I know that for me, hearing my Master tell me I’m his good girl fills me with so much warmth that it makes me even more willing to serve.
They amounts of love that are passed on from the Dom to the sub and the other way around are enormous, whether the act performed is big or small.
Because all the praise, all the words of affirmation from the Dom are a form of expressing love and trust. But so are their moans, and any other gesture they make. The willingness from the sub to please their Dom is love, is trust as well.
Though trust is a whole other topic I’ll be writing about soon.
But what is obedience? It is a question that has had me wondering for ages. I have lied awake for many a night pondering the answer to it. Because yes, obeying is doing what your Dom tells you. It is following their commands, their wishes, their demands.
However, what if the command goes against what you like, feel comfortable with, or what if it can be straight up harmful to you or your Dom?
Here we need to make the distinction between a sub and a slave and a Dom and a Master.
A command from your Dom as a sub: your Dom always want what is best for you. So speak up! You please them the most with your honesty. If you cannot take the hits for example, tell him, use your safeword, and explain calmly what it was that made it too much for you to take. From there on you can decide together what is the best way to move forward. In this case, you still obey your Master. There’s an order to obeying: first and foremost your Dom demands you to be honest to them, about anything and everything. Only then comes the command of the act he wants you to perform.
A command from your Master as a slave: this lies a bit differently. Your Master still wants what is best for you, but they also want you to grow, and the best way to grow is by pushing your limits. And I think this is fine, as long as they take proper care of you afterwards. But still, communicating your feelings is your Master’s biggest demand of you. How my Master and I always do it is that I get to say my safeword, and he decides what to do from that point onwards: ignore it, stop, ask what is wrong and then decide to stop or continue, or stop completely. The last he does mainly when he knows how far he has already pushed past my boundaries. We discussed this system together, and it works really well for us. I’m not saying it will work for everyone of course, but what does work for everyone is talking about it. Especially you as the slave can initiate this conversation with your Master. Talk as long as needed, and test different systems. Don’t expect it to work on the first try.
But as a slave in the end it is all about what your Master likes and prefers. I think it is beautiful if a slave can push past their own feelings, push themselves harder to please their Master. When I do this for my Master, it creates one of the most wonderful moments for me, that’s for sure.
There’s one more question: the matter of obeying or disobeying when you know it will bring harm to your Dom. In this case: always disobey. Your Dom might be annoyed with you initially, but as soon as you get the chance, explain to them your decision. Or ask if you can explain it immediately. Make it clear why you think it will harm them and why disobeying is actually the way to help them the most. It is disobeying to obey! As always, communication is key. So if you explain it clearly, there will be no good Dom walking the earth who will disagree with you.
Up until now we have only talked about spoken commands. But there’s another way of obeying your Dom: silent wishes. Your Dom might have expectations of you, things they have trained you to do without them having to ask. Doing these ‘tasks’ is also a form of obedience. That blowjob which they might have trained you to give the first thing in the morning, will give the both of you the same satisfaction and happiness as when they commanded it from you, if not more. They will be so pleased with you doing it for them without having to spell it out for you! And that pleasure will again turn into your own in the form of extra praise.
And there’s yet another type: doing things for your Dom they didn’t expect. Again the example of the blowjob. If you are just cuddling with them and suddenly you take their dick in your mouth, no Dom will stop you, I’m sure. You give them pleasure and they give you extra praise for it, for you aren’t just giving them pleasure, but unexpected pleasure. You play into your Dom’s desires without them ever having to ask or train you.That is, in my opinion, the most beautiful type of obedience.
So here are my thoughts on the beauty of obedience towards the Dom. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Love,
Your subby friend