"I don't owe you a version of me, you can live with."
100%!
As I mentioned at the beginning of the year, I started to embrace the motto, "Trust the process." It has changed my outlook and has made any setbacks less stressful.
I got some devastating news back in the fall. It nearly pulled me under. It took me a long while to walk that off.
I have been working on my healing journey for the past few years. I know that some of my reactions/behaviours were from being a victim of DV/narcissist.
I would overthink everything and gave it way too much free rent in my head. I would over explain myself to make sure that I was understood. I would continue to explain long after I needed to. I was a people pleaser deep down and I would swim oceans for people that wouldn't cross puddles for me. I put up/excused others' toxic behaviour because the good seemed to outweigh the bad. I let people cross boundaries I set because they were my "friend". I allowed others to treat me less than I deserved because I was uncomfortable when people were mad at me. I apologized more than I shouId/when it wasn't deserved. Basically, I gave everybody else my energy.
This year, I stopped.
I stopped explaining myself.
I stopped allowing other people's disrespect.
I stopped feeling like I needed to defend myself from others' opinions.
I stopped caring about others' versions of me.
I stopped reaching out to people that didn't reach back.
I stopped fighting for people who wouldn't fight for me.
I stopped defending my character to people determined to misunderstand it.
I stopped people pleasing and started pouring into my own cup.
I stopped allowing people to cross boundaries that protect my peace.
I started holding people to a higher standard.
I started holding firmer boundaries.
I started holding people accountable for their behaviour.
I started holding myself to a higher standard.
I no longer entertain bad behaviour or disrespect.
I no longer stay in situations that don't involve me. I simply choose to remove myself.
I no longer swerve, trying to fix/help. I remain in my own lane.
I embraced the reality that I am too grown to worry about other people's versions/opinions of me.
Don't like me? Do you, boo.
If you come correct, we aren't going to have a problem.
Just know, that anything less will not be tolerated.
I won't scream or yell, I'll simply removed your access to my energy.
I protect my peace.
And let me tell you.....
IT'S FEKKING FREEING!!